Venting Frustration
Hey Rare, here's an idea:
Have you ever considered NOT making a time challenge out of EVERY FUCKING thing you have to do!? IT'S REALLY RATHER ANNOYING. I HATE USING CAPSLOCK, BUT SEE HOW FAR YOUR GAMES HAVE PUSHED ME!!!! IT'S REALLY NOT VERY PLEASANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but after this session of Donkey Kong 64, I have decided that Rare has to die. Slowly. And, yes, extremely painfully. As if ALL those time challenges alone weren't enough, they decided to include some INCREDIBLY frustrating mini games.
One of them has you racing this turtle-type thingy down a big slide, where you have to finish first WHILST collecting at least 50 coins. And you loose 3 coins every time you hit the turtle. Did I mention the turtle is kinda big? And fast? And the tracks are
really narrow? Joy.
The first time is bad enough, but Rare is never one to let go of a good thing so they let you do it again. This time on
ICE. Double Joy.
But that's almost nothing compared to the minigame from HELL. The absolute Worst in Minigames. This one made me perform a lobotomy on myself with a SPOON: Beaver Bother.
Yes. Beaver Bother.
Sounds like Japanese rape porn? Get your mind out of the gutter, lowlife!
Beaver Bother has you chasing around Beavers (I'm warning you!) with a Klaptrap, which is Rare's amusing take on baby crocodiles. The aim is to make 15 beavers fall into a hole in the center of the arena
in 60 motherfucking seconds. That's 4 (Four!) seconds for every beaver. I wish I had that much time for beavers in real life!
Oh damn....
Anyway, you have to scare them into the hole, by barking at them or whatever it is crocodiles do, but most of the time, they will just teeter on the edge of the pit, and they won't even go in when you're pressing your reptilian nose right up against that beaver! (.....?)
Well, believe me it's a LOT worse than it sounds, I've checked around on the Internet, and apparently anyone who's played the game agrees on its pulling-hair-out-factor. In fact, I actually threw my controller to the floor
with force which is something I haven't done since Super Street Fighter II. (Deejay is Satan)
Just type in Beaver Bother in google, and check some DK64 reviews, it's bound to turn up. EVERYONE BLOODY HATES IT. Someone at Rare needs to be fired for this.
And I mean from a
cannon
Phony is from Tetrisphere, you know?
And on to Eldorado Gate Volume 3 it is!
Finished Volume 2 today, and started working on 3. This particular volume has only two chapters, and it seems only one new character.
Volume two started with Chapter Four, revolving around Bud, the young Beast/Human/Thing who went out on a quest to defend his tribe from the Hunters. He found some kind of magic armor to aid him in his quest, but it ended up messing with his consciousness and the chapter ended with him disappearing. I don't know yet if he is one of our Twelve.
The 5th Chapter was about Elishin, the dandy Swordsman and quite the ladiesman. Nothing too interesting.
The 6th Chapter was about the Golem called Ein, who recognises Gomez as his master (up till now, Gomez has been the only recurring character, acting as a kind of spokesman for the Fated Twelve) and helps him in his quest to cure the sickness of Bantross, the Guide of the Unholy Band of Twelve.
Volume 3 starts with Chapter 7, where Gomez, Ein, Elishin and Radia are sent out to fetch Kanan, who has been summoned by a mysterious being, offering her her voice, hearing and vision back, which she lost after using the powers of a set of mysterious masks. So, like I said, no new character it seems, and the first quest I have to do with nothing but old characters. Seems interesting.
On the Simian front, I'm currently at around 67% in DK64, and I am now starting to feel what seems to be the general consensus on this game: It's too friggin' big.
There definitely is such a thing as "too much of a good thing". The levels are HUGE and you have to do a lot of walking back and forth if you want to find everything.
Banjo Tooie suffered from the same thing actually. Too Big Levels and Too many wide open areas make Jack a very frustrated and tired Boy.
Only two more levels to go though. I'm sure I'll pull through.
Never Forget the Gate!
Just finished Eldorado Gate Vol.1 and moving on to Volume 2.
I won't make a review until I've cleared all volumes I own, cos these games should be viewed as one. The first volume had 3 scenarios clocking in at slightly less than 6 hours in total. I guess this is good, cos they really shouldn't've lasted much longer.
The game has this really static kind of battle system, very reminiscent of the Dragon Quest games, where you don't see any members of your party, just the enemies.
Also, attacks are indicated in letters and numbers (Gomez deals 16 points of damage to the Filthy Monster from a Nasty Place!), no animation, nothing. I hate that. It's boring.
Dungeon crawling isn't particularly interesting either. Some dungeons have some nice gimmicks and semi-puzzles, but most of them are your regular 'walk from point A to B' affair, with the added disadvantage of having to choose directions at every fork in the road, never knowing which way you should go. Or to put it another way: mazes.
I FRIGGIN'
HATE MAZES!
There seems to be this completely unfounded belief in the Game Creator Universe that gamers
like to wade through tunnel after tunnel, only to come to a dead end and backtrack the whole way,
whilst dealing with an insane random encount rate. And that is why I say: "Please bring back the Death Penalty."
On the upside, every dead end in this game has some kind of treasure chest and they always contain something good. On the downside, this means that if you choose the
correct way you will want to backtrack to get the goddamn treasure.
Did I mention I hate mazes?
Story-wise I really like this game though. You really feel like you're building up towards something. And this second volume has introduced the main hub, where you can store and buy items, and use characters from different scenarios together. I'm definitely intrigued, that's why I'm playing on, but I'm not having very much fun.
Brace Yourself!
E not only stands for Easter, but also for Eldorado Gate, which is considerably less fun, and doesn't taste as much of chocolate.
Eldorado Gate is a series of RPG's released by Capcom on Dreamcast in 7 separate volumes. The only way you can tell this is a Capcom RPG by the way, is that it features the universal Capcom RPG currency: Zenny.
There's very little of it around this time though.
All Character and enemy design have been done by Yoshitaka Amano, who also did this for many a Final Fantasy game.
The story is about a group of Twelve individuals, bound by fate (aren't they always?). You see, once upon a time the Benevolent God Dyos had a bit of an argument with the not so benevolent Demon Rajin, probably over some kind of apple.
Dyos won the argument as Benevolent Gods tend to do in works of fiction and sealed up Rajin which is also something that happens far too much nowadays.
However, Rajin, being the clever evil bastard that he is, made 12 Alter Ego's with his remaining spirit, and it is up to YOU, as all twelve of them, to revive the Evil Being, albeit more or less unconsciously.
For this purpose, the whole story has been split up in 18 chapters, spread over 7 separate Discs. This is a very nice way of Capcom to say:"Let's extort our fans!" cos every CD contains only a couple of hours of gameplay, very average graphics and no voices whatsoever (apart from "Enemies have appeared" at the start of each battle) so I really don't know what all the data has been spent on.
I'm sure they could have squeezed it on 2 or 3 discs.
I have to point out though that I have only managed to get the first 4 volumes, so the story won't reach a conclusion, but that was never the point of this project anyway, so shut up.
So far I've finished the first chapter, starring Gomez, the rude Oaf.
It's kinda weird. You're supposed to be this alter ego of an evil god, and so far every character does have his/her faults, but
nevertheless you are required to do all kinds of goody-two-shoes quests. Rescuing people and helping old geezers work off their debts. Bizarre.
I'm about to complete the second chapter, starring Kanan, the Lovely Archer girl, who gets sentenced to Death for stealing a loaf of bread (must've been some pretty goddamn tasty bread then). She manages to escape using the power of a mysterious mask, which starts to slowly drain her of her life...
On a side note, I noticed that the Big List of 225 contains a game for Neo Geo CD, Samurai Spirits, which I do actually own, the only problem is, I don't actually have a Neo Geo CD.... :S
Yay for me! I can skip one!
That's Death.
Just finished Discworld II.
This was a lot less trouble than the original. I'm happy to say that most of the puzzles actually make
sense this time round.
Of course, animation and music have dramatically improved also, making it look and sound a bit more like a game that is running off a CD, instead of an Atari cartridge.
The new and improved hint system is really great and makes the game less of a hassle and more fun to play. In the original, every faulty action you did was met with an annoying "That doesn't work", which really REALLY started to get on my nerves after a couple of times, but this time round, you get a nice explanation as to why it won't work and what the purpose of the item is anyway. Very Good.
The game retains its dry sense of humor, although it's not quite as loony as the prequel, but at least that means puzzles are in the realm of the solvable as well.
The only problem I had was that sometimes, some interactable objects, or arrows pointing to other areas can be quite hard to see/find. I did get stuck in this game a couple of times, and in all cases it was because I had missed some obscure passage or small object somewhere. The puzzles never were the problem.
Very nice though, I'll give this an 8.
Free Porn
On a slightly more positive note, it seems the existence of my BLOG! is slowly starting to be acknowledged by The Big Search Engine Industry, or, well, Google at least, in that occasionally, it actually turns up in the results.
So let me help speeding up the procedure by some choice phrases:
Britney Spears Nude Pictures.
Asian Pron.
MILF.
Busty.
Lolita (you people disgust me! Hi! Welcome to my site!)
And...erm...oh yes,
football and beer.Good now that I've got your attention, let's talk point'n'clickers again.
I'm still slowly struggling through Discworld 2 (just reached Act 3), but I have to say it's a HUGE improvement over its prequel. For one thing, most of the puzzles actually make sense this time round, which is nice. You don't have to have a serious brain defunction to be able to solve quests most of the time. Every time you try to combine items or give things to people and you fail, Rincewind will state what the problem is and what the person really needs, or what the purpose of the items actually is.
This helps ALOT without giving everything away or spoiling the fun of finding things out.
Thing is though, I realised this: Point'n'clickers
just aren't very interesting. They thrive on their sense of humor, which fortunately has been very good for the PnC's I've played so far, but ultimately you're just wading through line after line of dialogue; there is no action, just talk. The only thing you actually need to do is use your brain. For Thinking. No quick reactions, no hand to eye coordination. Just logical thinking.
Which is all perfectly good in its own right, but it makes you feel so....drained of energy. It never gets intense or exciting. So I'm thinking, I can never possibly give a high score to games like this, cos
ultimately I will be bored for a large part of the time. Sure there's some funny conversation here, and humorous quotes there, but outside of that, you're just walking around figuring out what insane object you have to combine with which unlikely item next.
I gave even a really great PnC, like Broken Sword, a mere 8, simply because you're never really feeling good playing the game. It looks great, it sounds great, it has a great story, good voice acting, good sense of humor. But when push comes to shove, it's just moving your character by clicking and talking and talking and talking.
God, I'm sure glad I never played any of those text-based adventures of old.
Monkeys
I just realised something. Meeting your ex-girlfriend is NEVER a good idea.
Now this is probably a no-brainer for most people, but I had to go and find out the hard way myself.
You see, there's only two possible ways this can go:
1) You end up having nothing to say to each other, you'll hardly exchange a word, and you'll go home feeling lousy.
Or in my case 2) You'll end up having a very nice talk and having fun together and you'll go home feeling EXTRA lousy because you know it's never going to work anymore anyway.
And what's worse, it's spring, the weather is great, you see lovely couples EVERYWHERE and nature starts rearing its ugly head inside your body again, painfully reminding you of the fact that that IS NOT YOU with that beautiful girl next to you.
Remind me to bring my baseball bat along next time I go outside.
And Rare's Godforsaken 4th installment in the Donkey Kong series isn't helping things either. It's like they were thinking:"You know, the last couple of games were too simple and short, let's make a HUGE friggin' game where you have to find EVERYTHING in EVERY friggin' level for all 5 playable Ape-types. That's 25 gold banana's and 500 (!) normal ones. PER LEVEL.
And to top things off there is a series of deep-rooted evil lurking at the horizon waiting to pounce its harmless pray. I'll refrain from using the name, but let's just say I severely regret the fact that I don't have any games starting with "Finak".
Life Sucks.
Donkey Kong Country 3
Wow! Today was a really beautiful day!
The Sun was shining, everyone was happy, lots of pretty women out and about in skimpy outfits, the ideal kind of pre-summer weather to sit outside a cafe and have a couple of drinks with your friends.
So I decided this was the perfect time to stay kooped up in my room and get some SERIOUS gaming done! Screw the outside world! Outside is for losers!
You know who were outside a lot? Hitler and Mussolini, that's who!
So I finished Donkey Kong Country 3 today. Nice game.
The only problem is, after two rather similar sequels, the novelty has kinda worn off. The graphics are still pretty I guess, but we'd already gotten used to that, so it's nothing to gawp at anymore. Even the music seems rather uninspired when compared to its predecessors. It's still better than DKC 1 though, cos at least it's still got plenty of things on offer, even more than DKC 2, but most of it will just make you go "meh".
I still say DKC 2 is best, cos they did everything right for the first time, so it was still fresh, fun and innovative. This is just more of the same, and not even quite as good. Still, there was nothing wrong with it in the first place, so that means you're still left with a very decent game, it just fails to impress anymore.
So an 8 seems about right.
Fortunately Rare also got the message after this one, so they decided to move into the realm of 3D. And I'll have more on that one soon...
Discworld II: Missing, presumed....!?
Erm....I'm getting rather confused as to what number out of 225 this is exactly, especially since I bought those two new games, but according to the old calculation this should have been number 39 I think. Or possibly not.
Anyhoo, Discworld II: Missing, Presumed...!? or Discworld II: Mortality Bytes, as it is also called, is the sequel to Discworld 1, which was bereft of any amusing subtitle. Once again, you play incompetent Wizard Rincewind, but this time it is your task to find Death. Death has disappeared and all over the City of Ankh-Morpork, people are dying, whilst not actually really doing so.
Senior Wizard Windle Poons has kicked the bucket and found that the bucket was still standing when he crawled out of his coffin, so it is now up to Rincewind to find Death and get him back at his job, before things start turning
really nasty.
Audio-visually the game is a HUGE improvement over the original, because it actually looks and sounds good this time. Eric Idle is back to voice Rincewind, as is a large part of the original cast, only Tony Robinson (Baldrick from Blackadder) has been replaced by Nigel Planer (Neil from The Young Ones) who I'm sorry to say does not do as good a job.
Still, the game seems to make a bit more sense this time round, regularly poking fun at its prequel's non-sensicalness, and hints are a bit more abundant this time round (in the sense that they are actually
there).
Oh and the opening Song is great. Eric Idle singing a jazzy song about Death is completely hilarious. I'm liking this one already.
Sorry, did I say 223?
It's 225 now ;)
Aaahhh, I love Flea-markets, don't you? Lots of stupid people selling old but valuable (to the discerning eye) junk to collectors/nerds.
So I picked up two old NES classics today, being Chip 'n' Dale: The Rescue Rangers and The Legend of Zelda, the Gold Cartridge no less! (although I get the distinct feeling that it's more common than its grey equivalent, kinda like FF9's so called "limited edition" OST).
And that means, according to The Rules, which I'm sure everyone's acquainted with by now (read them dammit!), that Chip 'n' Dale takes temporary preference over Discworld 2 and Donkey Kong Country 3.
Luckily though, this is an old NES platformer we're talking about so it takes only 40 minutes or so to play through it anyway. You play as either Chip or Dale, who at first set out to save a young girl's kitten, but soon (after the very first level in fact) find out that this was only a hoax by the Evil Fat Cat to kidnap your pal Gadget. Damn those cartoon cats, won't they ever learn cartoon mice only spell trouble!? I don't see mice running around with frying pans in
our kitchen! (we have a micro wave).
So it's up to YOU to fight your way past Robot Dogs, Robot Mice, Robot Bees (I sense a pattern here) and....erm....Tennis Playing Kangaroos to reach Fat Cat at his Casino and give him what he deserves. Which is a small red ball apparently.
Anyway, the game is really rather short as used to be the trend back then (1MB cartridges anyone?) but what is there is pretty decent. This is old Capcom goodness, they definitely knew their way around 2D games back then (and even now on GBA, they still do), and it seems they made a game of practically EVERY Disney Animation at that time, most of which were surprisingly good.
Of course I have to judge this game by standards at that time, otherwise I'd be splitting my sides with laughter now, but the way it was, this game is pretty decent, but nothing special. A 7 seems about right.
Full Circle
And another one finished! I'm on a role today! Why spend time on your thesis when you can BLOW it by playing generic old games!? Exactly.
I have sent off the Big Evil Dragon in a heartwarming, yet asinine and unbelievably short ending. Really, don't play this game for the ending, cos it's not worth the 11 hours or so.
Discworld is over, so it's on to part 2, which I will probably start tomorrow.
It's a decent enough point'n'clicker. If you're into this kind of game you should try it out. I think this game's from 1995, which makes it one of the earliest PSX games, and you can really tell by the look of it. The graphics are rather outdated, and the Midi is quite awful. The SNES had better sound in general.
However, the game really has a great sense of humor, although you probably have to be in the mood for it. It has a very dry wit and it's filled to the brim with endless strings of puns (you have to admire how the writers were able to create dozens of puns for practically EVERY situation), but if you're not into that kind of silly and absurd humor, you'd better look somewhere else.
Thing is, the game doesn't take itself seriously at all, which is a very good thing, but unfortunately this trend is continued in the nature of the puzzles, making some of the things you have to do really quite obscure. Even if you've read the books, there's still a lot of stuff in here that doesn't really make any sense whatsoever, which is funny in its own way, but it makes solving puzzles more of a chore than it should be.
Also, although the game is divided in 4 Acts, you spend the entire time walking around the same environments, constantly backtracking to see if something has changed, and if there are new items to be acquired.
So before long the game starts to drag on (hohoho) and you'd be forgiven to lose interest here and there. The splendid humour and hilarious voice acting remain throughout though. It has to be said that in spite of the lousy midi, the voice samples and sound effects are Crystal Clear, and really very well done.
One for the fans (of either Discworld or PnC's) -> 7.2
Just for comparison, I rated Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars with an 8.
Donkey Kong Country 2
And yet another Rare Platformer bites the dust under the weight of my Mighty Project!
Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest (someone should die for this), being the sequel to Donkey Kong Country (hence the 2) has been completed with 101% (the maximum is 102% oddly enough, but I couldn't be bothered to get the last 4 DK Coins or so).
Rare learned a lot from player feedback after DKC1 I think. This game is in every way a big improvement over its predecessor. The gorgeous Graphics and high quality soundtrack are still here, but the dull unrewarding gameplay has been replaced with variety and some nice extra stuff. This time round, every time you find a Bonus Room, you have to fulfill a simple task (simple in idea only) to earn a Kremcoin.
For every 15 Kremcoins you can pass a tollbridge guarder by Klubber, who cares more about money than about loyalty to his boss. God knows I do too.
Beyond the Tollbridge is the lost world which has a total of 5 stages. Finish all of them to reach the center of that world and you can fight the final battle with K.Rool.
Your reward is an extra ending comprising of exactly one (1) new screen. It's a pretty one though.
The game does have its typical Rare trademark Frustrating as Hell bits, but everything is still within the boundaries of the possible and acceptable.
All in all, I'm very satisfied about this game, and it certainly ranks amongst the top of the Platformers released on SNES.
I'll give this a 9.
Donkey Kong Country
Fortunately for me, I also have some games that can be finished rather quickly.
Most of these are platform games of course, and in this case it's Donkey Kong Country for SNES.
I remember back in the day when Rare first released screen shots of this game everyone went completely APE (Sorry) over the beautiful graphics, and everyone thought that there was no way the ole' SNES could really handle this.
And admittedly, it STILL looks good, and I am still amazed that the SNES can display such graphical prowess. And on top of that the sound quality is really good too.
I also remember that reviewers completely lost themselves in the lucious landscapes and started throwing around 9s and 10s, saying this was one of the best things to happen to video gaming in all time.
I seem to recall that at the time, SuperPlay was one of the few magazines that actually looked beyond the Silicon Graphics and maganed to review the game for what it actually was and they arrived at a considerably lower score.
And I have to say, I agree.
Strip away the beautiful (I hate typing this word) renders and you're left with a fairly standard platformer.
There's lots of bonus rooms, but all they offer is more extra lives, or statues that give you access to even OTHER bonus rooms, giving you the chance to gain....*gasp* even MORE extra lives.
Before long you'll have hit the 99 lives mark and there's really no reason for you to bother finding these rooms anymore. There is absolutely no reward for finding everything, so you're basically doing all for naught.
No extra levels, no mini-games to be unlocked. Nothing. Just one completely linear platform game.
It's basically just Super Mario Brothers with monkeys. Hell, even SMB had warp zones!
Fortunately the game only takes a little under 3 hours, so you won't waste huge amounts of time anyway.
This game gets a 7.5 for being extremely standard but not bad.
Extinction
So there we are, Dino Crisis is finished.
I can't believe how
stupid this game is.
Still I guess I should have expected this, since it was made by the same people behind Resident Evil (thank you mr. Mikami!).
Not that the RE games are bad, mind you, it's just that most of them,
especially part 1, around which time Dino Crisis was also made are incredibly fucking stupid.
Dino Crisis however, is in a totally new league of stupid, kind of like it's pointing at RE and going: "Hah! Viral Outbreaks and Zombie scientists are Shakespeare compared to what WE are going to do!".
Let me spoil the story for you by trying to explain where the Dino's in the game actually come from. See, there's this Mad Scientist (isn't there always? Dr. Wiley was the only cool one, I say) called Dr. Kirk and he has this amazingly realistic idea of creating Energy out of Ions in the air. Yes.
Normal Ions. In normal everyday air.
...
He calls this Third Energy and he would have lived happily ever after with it, were it not for the fact that the whole process can somehow cause Vortexes in said air, thus creating some kind of portal to another time.
I have to say, I was trying to claw my brains out during this particular plot scene.
Despite the fact that the only portals you get to see in the game are very small, there HAS to be a HUGE T-rex in a game like this, which will be after you throughout the whole game and can easily kill you with one bite.
Capcom obviously thought this Idea was so great they continued it with that Trench-coat guy in RE2, Nemesis in RE3, and probably that Quasimodo-esque guy in the upcoming Demento.
But hey, if anything, the Metal Gear Solid games have shown us that Bullshit Stories don't necessarily mean crappy game, right? well, not so Dino Crisis unfortunately.
Even as an RE clone this game is extremely mediocre. Shooting Zombies was fun, but molesting dinosaurs is rather dull. The Combat system, for lack of a better word, is very shoddy and most of the time you don't have enough ammo to take your time and shoot everything anyway, so you'll just be running. Thanks Capcom.
If I wanted to run a lot, I'd go outside. Or better yet, I'd get Track & Field for my NES with one of those mat-controller things.
Also, you'll just be running back and forth between the same place, carrying a multitude of key-cards and chips with you, never quite remembering which one went where. Add to that the extremely boring monotonous environments and you have a very dull game indeed. There are some nice puzzles here and there though.
Another annoyance is the fact that there is no file folder, unlike the RE games.
If you find some kind of note you have to remember everything it says, (and where it is, in case you forget what it says), cause you're not getting any kind of filing system whatsoever.
By the way, I got the ending where both Dr. Kirk and Gail survive, which I've been told was actually more or less the "secret" or "hard" ending, even though it came quite naturally to me. Stupid.
I give this game a 6, which is incidentally the same as I gave to Alone in the Dark: the New Nightmare. Only try this if you're an avid Survival Horror fan.
Discworld
So here we are, number 38 in the long long line of 223, Discworld.
The game is based on the Discworld Novels by Terry Pratchett, and in fact, it is by playing this game that I got to know about the novels in the first place, and I'm a HUGE fan now, so this game holds a special place in my heart.
But then, so does cholesterol, and I'm not exactly happy with that either.
The game's story is based largely on the eight novel: Guards! Guards!, although this time it features Rincewind as the main character (brilliantly voiced by Monty Python's Eric Idle), who has to get rid of a Dragon that has been summoned by a wannabe evil cult.
The game is your standard Point'n'click adventure, and as any good point'n'clicker it has a great sense of humor, great dialogues, good voice-acting and non-sensical puzzles. Not much more to say about it yet, especially since there's very few negative things to say.
Well, here's a free pic!
No More.
So the other day I ran into this Chinese Farmer. Well of course he wasn't in the farming business anymore (does that make him a Former?) , cos I wouldn't run into him if he was still a farmer in China would I?
Anyhow, he told me how, back in the day, he would have to get up at like 3 o'clock in the morning and work in the fields ALL day long until 8 o'clock in the evening or something, sowing, raking, reaping, taking care of the livestock, and then, when he got home he had to prepare all the food, since the guy's hectic life had prevented him from ever meeting girls and marrying, so after a long day's work he would have to take care of all the household chores as well, cooking, cleaning, repairing etc.
Most of the time his work would be finished around midnight, leaving him a clean 3 hours to sleep, but sometimes he would even have to start working in the fields again without getting any sleep at all. Thing is, China was such a poor country, especially for farmers, that he couldn't really hire any helping hands to make his duties any lighter. Competition was also strong so he had to work the skin off his hands to make even half of a living, and on top of all that, he told me his house was very old and decrepit so ofttimes he would have to renovate everything to make sure it didn't collapse while he was asleep.
So then I told him: "yeah well,
I just finished Dark Chronicle", upon which he gave me a lifetime's supply of rice and 5 of his best yaks.
FUCK, this game is one of the most time-consuming and intensive ways of slacking off I've ever experienced! In total the game took me a little over 40 hours (37 if you don't count that extra dungeon), and I'm almost positive that at least 25% of that time was spent going back to buy/find/arrange all kinds of little things I needed to go ahead.
Recruiting people, taking photographs, fishing, building towns, reconstructing the future, exploring dungeons, upgrading weapons, shit, the list is almost endless and you
NEED to do all this to get to the end and even want to stand a
remote chance against the endless chain of Final Battles.
But this is really the only negative thing I can say about this game. It's really a LOT of work, and if you're not up to that kind of thing you will probably not want to play this game. Also, the game can be frustratingly hard sometimes, mostly because you can take very little damage, even with high defense.
But it cannot be denied that beneath all this is a Great Great Game, that the developers really put a LOT of effort into, it's just that they want you to do the same.
Truely, everything about this game screams quality, and it's certainly a hell of a lot more interesting than its prequel. The random dungeons can be kind of boring, but the side objectives to earn medals at least keep you distracted long enough not to care too much.
I would very much recommend this game to anyone though, there's so much in here that there's bound to be something you like, just don't expect to get away with anything easily.
I think I'll give it an 8.8
Quick Update
Title:
-
Alone in the Dark: the New Nightmare (6)-
Alundra (7.5)-
Arc the Lad (6.8)- Arc the Lad: Seirei no Tasogare
-
Argos no Senshi (8)- Assassin's Creed
- Atsumare! Pinata
-
Banjo and Kazooie (8)-
Banjo Tooie (9)-
Baten Kaitos (9.3)-
Battle Arena Toshinden (6.8)-
Beyond Good and Evil (8.3)-
BioHazard (9)-
BioHazard 0 (7.7)-
Bio Hazard 2 (9.5!)-
Bio Hazard 3: the Last Escape (8)-
Bio Hazard Code: Veronica (7)- Bio Hazard 4 Wii
- Bionic Commando Rearmed (PSN)
-
Blast Corps (8.5) - Blue Dragon
-
the Bouncer (6.7)- Braid (XBLA)
-
Brave Fencer Musashiden (4)-
Breath of Fire III (7)-
Breath of Fire IV (9) -
Breath of Fire V: Dragon Quarter (7)-
Broken Sword: the Shadow of the Templars (8.3)-
Capcom vs. SNK: Millennium Fight 2000 Pro (7.2)-
Capcom vs. SNK 2: Millionaire Fighting (8)-
Castlevania: Circle of the Moon (5.5) - Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
-
Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance (8.5)-
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (9)-
Chip ‘n’ Dale: Rescue Rangers (7)-
Chocobo no fushigi na dungeon (7)-
Chrono Trigger (10!)-
Chrono Cross (9.2)- Crash Bandicoot
- Crash Bandicoot 2
-
Croc: Legend of the Gobbos (7)-
D2 (8.2)- Dairantou: Smash Brothers DX (9.4)
- Dark Cloud (8)
-
Dark Cloud 2: Dark Chronicle (8.8)- Dead or Alive 2 (7)
- Dead or Alive 4
- Dead Rising
- Demon’s Blazon (9)
- Devil May Cry (8.7)
- Dewy's Adventure
- Digital Devil Saga: Avatar Tuner
-
Dino Crisis (6)- Dino Crisis 2
- Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII
-
Discworld (7.2)-
Discworld 2 (8) - Dissidia Final Fantasy
-
Donkey Kong Country (7.5) -
Donkey Kong Country 2 (9) -
Donkey Kong Country 3 (8) -
Donkey Kong 64 (8)- Dragon Quest Swords
-
Ducktales (8.5)- the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
-
Eldorado Gate Vol.1 (6.2)-
Eldorado Gate Vol.2 (id.)-
Eldorado Gate Vol.3 (id.)- Eldorado Gate Vol.4 (id)
- Enchant Arm
-
Estopolis (2)-
Estopolis Gaiden: Ruins of Silence (5.8) -
Evergrace (7.2) - Evergrace II
- Fallout 3
-
Final Fantasy Tactics (9.6!)-
Final Fantasy IV (7.3)-
Final Fantasy V (8.0)-
Final Fantasy VI (10-!)-
Final Fantasy VII (10!) - Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core
-
Final Fantasy VIII (9)-
Final Fantasy IX (9.3)-
Final Fantasy X (10!) -
Final Fantasy X-2 (8) - Final Fantasy XII
- Fire Emblem: Akatsuki no Megami
- Forza Motorsport 2
- Fragile: Sayonara Tsuki no Haikyo
-
Ganbare Goemon: neo-momoyama bakufu no odori (8)- Gears of War
- Gears of War 2
- Genma Onimusha
- Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter
- God of War II
- Gran Turismo
-
Gran Turismo 3 A-spec (9.4) - Gran Turismo 4
- Grand Theft Auto IV
-
Grandia II (8.5)-
Grandia Xtreme (6.5)-
Gremlins 2 (8)- Heavenly Sword
- Helix Fear Effect
- Ikaruga (XBLA)
- Irregular Hunter X
- Itoi Shigesato no Bass Tsuri No.1 Ketteiban!
-
Jak and Daxter (8) - Kameo: Elements of Power
- Kingdom Hearts
-
Kingdom Hearts: Final Mix LE (9.5)- Kingdom Hearts II
- Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix+
-
Kirby's Adventure (8)- Klaymen Klaymen: Neverhood no Nazo
- the Last Remnant
-
Legend of Zelda (6)-
Legend of Zelda: a Link to the Past (10!)-
Legend of Zelda: Link’s awakening (9)-
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time & Ura Zelda (9.9!)-
Legend of Zelda: Mujura no Kamen (8)-
Legend of Zelda: Daichi no Shou (9.1)-
Legend of Zelda: Jikuu no Shou (8.8) -
Legend of Zelda: Kaze no Takuto (9.3)- Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
- Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
-
Love Story (8)-
Lufia (9)-
Luigi’s Mansion (8.2)- Lunar Silver Star Story (N/A)
-
Magical Vacation (7.3)- Mario & Luigi RPG 2x2
-
Mario Kart: Super Circuit (9.3) -
Mario Story (9.4)-
Marvel vs. Capcom 2: New Age of Heroes (9.2)- Maximo
-
Mega Man 2 (NES) (9.0) -
Mega Man 4 (GB) (7.7)-
Mega Man Anniversary Collection (10!)-
Mega Man X (9.5!) -
Mega Man X2 (9.5!)-
Megaman X3 (9.0) -
Megaman X4 (9.2) -
Megaman X Command Mission (7-)- Metal Gear Ac!d
-
Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes (8)-
Metal Gear Solid 2 (9.3)- Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
-
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (9.2)- Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
-
Mickey’s Magical Adventure (8) - Momotaro Dentetsu 11: Black Bomby no Shutsugen
- Musashiden II: Blademaster
- New Super Mario Bros
-
Nightmare Creatures (3)-
Ogon no Taiyo (8.9)-
Ogre Battle 64 (7)- Okami
-
Onimusha (9-)-
Onimusha 2 (9.4)-
Onimusha 3 (8.5)- Orange Box, the
- Paper Mario RPG
-
Parasite Eve (8+)-
Parasite Eve 2 (8.8)- Perfect Dark Zero LE
-
Pikmin (8.4)-
Pilotwings 64 (US & JP)(9.5!)-
P.N. 03 (7)-
PLOK! (8)-
Pocket Fighter (8)- Prince of Persia
-
Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (9+)-
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within (8)- Project Gotham Racing 3
- Radiata Stories
- Ratchett & Clank
- Ratchett & Clank 2
- Ratchett & Clank 3
- Ratchett & Clank: Future
- Ratchett & Clank: Quest for Booty
-
Rayman (7.5)- Reiselied (N/A)
-
Resident Evil (8)-
Resident Evil 4 (10!)- Rockman (PSN)
- Rockman 2 (PSN)
-
Rockman 3 (9.5!)-
Rockman 4 (9.5!)-
Rockman 5 (7)-
Rockman 6 (8)-
Rockman 7 (8+)-
Rockman 8: Metal Heroes (7-)- Rockman 9: Yabou no Fukkatsu (Wii)
- Rockman & Forte (6)
- Rockman EXE
- Rockman EXE 2
- Rockman EXE 3
- Rockman EXE Transmission
- Rockman Mega World
- Rockman X2: Soul Eraser
- Rockman X5
- Rockman X6
- Rockman X7
- Rockman X8
- Rogue Galaxy
- Romancing Saga 3
- Ryusei no Rockman: Leo
- Saga Frontier
- Saga Frontier 2
- Scandal
- Secret of Mana
- the Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition
- Seiken Densetsu 3
- Seiken Densetsu 4
- Seiken Densetsu: Legend of Mana
- Shadow Complex
- Shadow Hearts
- Shadow Hearts II
- Shadow Hearts: From the New World
- Shadow of Memories
- Shenmue
- Shenmue II
- Silent Hill
- Silent Hill 2
- Silent Hill 2: Saigo no Uta
- Silent Hill 3
- Silent Hill 4: The Room
- Siren: New Translation
- Skies of Arcadia Legends
- Slapstick
- Sonic Advance
- Sonic Adventure
- Sonic Adventure 2 Birthday Pack
- Sonic Heroes
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- Sonic the Hedgehog 2
- Sonic the Hedgehog 3
- Sonic & Knuckles
- SoulBlade
- Soulcalibur
- SoulCalibur II
- Splinter Cell
- Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow
- Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
- Splinter Cell: Double Agent
- Star Gladiator
- Star Ocean Second Story
- Star Ocean III: Till the End of Time
- Star Twins
- Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
- Starfox Adventures
- Street Fighter Alpha
- Street Fighter Collection
- Street Fighter EX + Alpha
- Street Fighter Zero 3
- Street Fighter III: Double Impact
- Suikoden
- Suikoden 2
- Suikoden 3
- Super Mario Bros/Duck Hunt
- Super Mario Bros 2
- Super Mario Bros 3
- Super Mario Collection
- Super Mario Kart
- Super Mario Land
- Super Mario Land 2
- Super Mario RPG
- Super Mario World
- Super Mario: Yoshi's Island
- Super Mario 64
- Super Mario Sunshine
- Super Mario Galaxy
- Super Metroid
- Super Paper Mario
- Super Puzzle Fighter
- Super Street Fighter II
- Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD (PSN)
- Surveillance
- Tactics Ogre : Knight of Lodis
- Takarajima Z: Barbaros no Hihou
- Tales of Destiny (PSX)
- Tales of Destiny (PS2)
- Tales of Phantasia
- Tales of Eternia
- Tales of Destiny 2
- Tales of Legendia
- Tales of Symphonia
- Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles
- Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles 2: The Arcade Game
- Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles 4: Turtles in Time
- Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles: Tournament Fighters
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game (XBLA)
- Tekken 2
- Terranigma
- Tetris
- Tobal No.1
- Tobal No.2
- Tomb Raider
- Tomb Raider 2
- Tomb Raider 3
- Tomb Raider Anniversary
- Tomb Raider: the Last Revelation
- Tomb Raider Legend
- Tomb Raiders
- Treasure Hunter G
- Trusty Bell: Chopin no yume
- Twinbee: Rainbow Bell Adventures
- Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
- Unlimited: SaGa
- Vagrant Story
- Valkyrie Profile
- Viewtiful Joe
- Viewtiful Joe 2
- Wander and the Colossus
- Waverace Blue Storm
- White Knight Chronicles
- Wild Arms 3
- Wild Arms: Alter Code F
- Wipeout 2097
- Wonder Project J
- Wonder Project J2
- Xenogears
- Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zur macht
- Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
- Yoshi’s Story
- Yuke Yuke!! Trouble Makers!!
- Zero
- Zero: Kurenai Chou
- Zero: Shisei no Koe
- Zero: Tsukiyomi no kamen
Stuff I don't own but I reviewed anyway:
-
Capcom Fighting Jam/Evolution (6.5)-
Conker's Bad Fur Day (9.3)-
God of War (9)-
ICO (8.8)-
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (9.8!)-
Namco x Capcom (8-)-
Tetrisphere (9)-
Waverace 64 (8)
Dino Crisis Contd.
Not really much to write about actually, since I haven't had so much time to play the past couple of days, and the little amount of time I did have has been spent on the Endless Quest that is otherwise known as Dark Chronicle. Almost there though.
But there's one thing about Dino Crisis that has been increasingly annoying me.
You know how in most games like this, you will occasionally run into a door that's locked, and you have to go and find some kind of key? Well, that's good and makes sense of course, but in Dino Crisis it's more or less the other way round.
You get like, a SHITLOAD of keys and keycards and key discs and numeric codes and whatnot, the only problem is you actually have to find all the doors, machines, computers etc. that they were made for.
Very annoying, since the game's map system is rather lacking in the information department and is more like:
"see, this is Earth, and you are somewhere.....around here. Approximately."
I would really like to point out here how brilliant the map system is in comparison, and of itself, in the Silent Hill games. You get a good, clear map, and EVERY SINGLE discovery, be it puzzle or lock related, gets jotted down by the protagonist, so that you NEVER have to walk around aimlessly trying to remember where you saw what.
I love that and every game should have that.
Dino Crisis doesn't though.
Bad Capcom.
Dark Chronicle
You know what's great about games?
They offer a great escape from reality.
There's nothing more relaxing than coming home after a hard day of work/studying/slacking, popping in a nice game and just walk around in a world where logic and realism don't apply.
Anything can be performed by the press of a simple button, it's a nice break from the complexities of real life, which is rather hard to navigate with a D-pad.
NOT SO DARK CHRONICLE.
Christ, this game is like some kind of activity therapy for people who have too much time on their hands.
The idea of the game in itself is simple, like most games. The world is being threatened by this Evil Emperor Griffon who wants to destroy the planet on general principles, which is as good a reason as any if you're President of the US.
So what he does is, he erases anything that causes any of his enemies to be born, and it's up to YOU as Yuris (his English name is Maximilian which is unbelievably stupid, so I'll use his Japanese name) and Monica to restore the origin points that cause the existence of anyone who might help you. Sounds cool right?
Well, it would but let me introduce you to the
basics of the game in the form of this interaction between the main characters:
Monica(M):"Okay, so we need to restore the Big Holy Tree Jurak in the future, so he can give us advise on how to beat Griffon, and we need to do that by making sure his origin points are here in the present, got that?"
Yuris(Y):"Okay, makes sense, let's go!"
M:"Wait, to know what his origin points are, we need to go into these random generated dungeons where we can find a Geostone on each floor, which contains data on the origin point requirements. Then we have to build a town of sorts that meets those requirements"
Y:"Umm, okay, I had a feeling dungeons would be involved, so that makes sense, let's go already!"
M:"Wait, in order to revive Jurak we need to make sure we create his nose, two of his eyes, have enough water around, a couple of straw houses, with the right people living in it, and we need to have at least 50 Culture Points!"
Y:"Okay, that makes sense in a Video Game kind of way, so let's build already!"
M:"Wait! To be able to create all this, you need Georama parts which you can also find in dungeons but which can also be bought from a Dwarf with glasses. Then you need to go back to your home town and talk to people and ask them to join you, but most of the time they will ask you to complete some kind of subquest for them, like upgrading your weapon, making pictures of certain objects, or bringing them specific items, and then, when they join you, you have to customize their house in the way they see fit, otherwise they won't go inside!"
Y:"Well, that makes sense in a Twin Peaks kind of way. Phew, I'm sure glad the world isn't in a particularly big hurry to be saved, hunh? Let's get to it!"
M:"Wait! I didn't tell you about the many subgames yet, like Fishing, Spheda Golf, Fish Weighing and Fish Racing, the Invention system, the Photograph system, the Weapon upgrade system and the I-have-to-lie-down-for-awhile System!"
Y:"Screw this, I'm going to get loaded!"
And that's like only the fucking FIRST CHAPTER.
And I swear, I'm not even making most of this up.
I'm a rough 28 hours into the game, and I have to backtrack to previous dungeons now, to get 4 Sacred Elements which I couldn't reach before and which I need to reach some floating continent (Gee, I've NEVER seen one of
those before) so I can recreate some guy's fucking GARDEN, by looking at pictures of it, instead of getting verbal hints. So I'm looking at at least another 10 hours I think.
Surprisingly the game IS actually a load of fun.
More on this when something interesting happens.
Dino Crisis
So....Dino Crisis.....Yeah.
You know, if there's one thing that playing Japanese games on Japanese systems for the past 6 years has taught me, it's that PAL versions on European consoles are SLOW (notice the captions to increase the feeling of slowness).
It's like they were thinking "Hell, those Japanese on their short little legs are too goddamn fast for us Western folk, we need Dino's that move at 1 mile per year!"
Fortunately, that's still 50 times as fast as good old Regina, who has the unenviable task of dealing with these freaks that Mother nature so kindly disposed of for us a rough 65 million years ago.
Any obvious links to movies that were popular around that time? Mmmmmh. No.
In fact, one of the characters in the game, Rick, put it best when he said, and I quote:
"This is just like that movie..."
Nice one, Capcom.
A lot of people say this game is just Resident Evil with Dinosaurs, but they are wrong.
It's Resident Evil with dinosaurs and no F*CKING AMMO!
Damn, and you thought Jill "Sandwich" Valentine had it bad in her Big old cosy mansion.
At least those scientist left some ammo for her to pick up! I've played this game for roughly 2 hours so far and I only found ONE box of standard gun ammo! ONE (1)! With 17 lousy bullets!
As any paleontologist will tell you, Dinosaurs take a shitload of bullets before they go down, so this is certainly no walk in the (jurassic) park.
Hur Hur.
More on this as I progress.
Oh, and can anyone tell me why Regina wears her underwear on the outside?
The Beginning & The Rules
Yes! It is finally here! My First Blog!
Join me, will you not, as I partake in the Biggest Game Project of all time (until someone else with more games decides to imitate me. I know you're watching!).
I will play through my entire collection of video games (223) in Alphabetical order!
What's that? "Loser!" I hear you shout? Well screw you! At least I'm not here to read about it!
Since this is such a fantastically unique project many many people (1) advised me to keep a blog of my experiences during this harsh project, so here it is! Completely Free!
Unfortuntaly, I started this project around the end of july 2004, so I've already progressed a little. I'm, currently working through Dark Chronicle (PS2) and Dino Crisis (PSX).
I won't dig back in my memory for all the sh*t I've played before, so you'll just have to live with that. But starting today YOU too, can enjoy reading about some lame-ass playing video games all day long! And who said a college education would lead nowhere!?
Refer to "The Big List" in the links section to see my entire collection.
All scores I gave are up to date up to the letter D, other titles have scores that are based on recollection and are very likely to change.
Let me lay down the rules here:
- All games I own will be played through in Alphabetical order, regardless of system.
- Order of publication overrules order of alphabet. So Chrono Trigger comes before Chrono Cross. Note that this is Publication I'm talking about, not order of story.
For instance, I will play Xenogears before Xenosaga, even though story-wise, Xenosaga comes first.
- When playing through a series I will allow myself to skip all other entries in a series while working on one, to continue with other games, to prevent myself from having to play the same kind of game every free moment I have. So, when I start playing FF4, I can skip 5,6,7,8,9,X and X-2 to move on.
- I am of course also allowed to skip games when circumstances don't allow me to play them, e.g. if I've lent them to a friend, or if it turns out they don't work properly anymore. (Some of the games I own are rather old, and don't come with boxes, so it is possible that some don't function too well anymore).
- I don't want to make it too easy on myself either, so any collection games (like Super Mario Collection (SNES) and Mega Man Collection (GC) will be played FULLY. I am allowed to substitute one or more of the games on the collection by their separate counterparts if I own them for other systems though.
- In the event that I buy a new game that comes in the alphabet before the game I'm currently playing, then everything will be put aside to let the new game go first.
- I will only play games of which I own the ORIGINALS. No pirated copies or ROMs.
Owning the booklet or the case is not a prerequisite, as long as I have the actual official CD/DVD/Cartridge
Now let me try to explain something regarding my score system, although it's largely arbitrary :S
- I judge games mostly on fun and playability. Frustration is something that guarantees low scores. It's good when a game is challenging, but many MANY games rely on cheap methods of difficulty and I do not condone that. People play games to have fun and be entertained. I don't want to shell out over 50 Euro's to get the shit annoyed out of me. I have cable TV for that.
- Mediocre games can redeem themselves by excelling in story or presentation. I don't mean that pretty graphics or a good soundtrack can save the game (although it helps!), I mean that originality, player-friendliness, good interface and a well though out story can make something better of a game that does not excell in the gameplay department.
- Reward is very important. I HATE having to go through a lot of trouble to get absolutely NOTHING in return. I'm talking about taking lengthy side-roads to find one treasure chest with a potion in it. Also, Games should reward skill and exploration, not punish incapability or people who just want to play for the story or something.
I'm particularly talking about games like Breath of Fire V that are ROCKHARD and then fuck you royally in the ass in the extremely likely event that you die before the end, by taking away basically anything that you had.
- Variation, multiple routes, multiple endings are good. Linearity is bad. But not always. ;)
On Scoring:No, this is not a guide to making yourself popular with the ladies! Geez, I have to explain everything to you, don't I? Eediot!
No, this is just a brief explanation to what the grades mean, in general, easy to understand terms.
0 ~ 5,5 = Ranging from Atrocious to Just Don't Bother. A 5,5 means it's on the very thin line between total crap and only barely playable.
5,5 ~ 6 = Barely playable. Chances are you'll hate it, but it has some things that you might enjoy, if only for the novelty value.
6 ~ 7 = Very Mediocre. You'll only want to check this out if you're a die-hard, hardcore fan of the genre, or perhaps the series. Otherwise, don't bother.
7 ~ 8 = Decent, not bad by any means, but not enough to totally grip you. Can also be a good game with too many tiny flaws.
8 ~ 9 = Great Stuff. Worth checking out if you ever get the chance. Not made of pure gold, but definitely one of the better games in the genre. In fact, if you like the genre, don't miss out on this.
9 ~ 9.5 = Excellent. If you're a fan of the genre, play this game. You probably already have. Even if you're not a fan of the genre, it's highly likely you'll enjoy this. Only minor flaws stop if from being perfect.
9.5 ~ 10 = Play this or
DIE. Really. If you're consciously avoiding this game, you NEED TO DIE. For the greater good. If you don't like this game, you have no taste or sense whatsoever, and you should again die. Doesn't matter if you like the genre, you WILL like this game. You have to play it, it's classic all over.
It's perfection in a cartridge/CD. There may be some extremely tiny flaws, but only if you're nitpicky and bitchy. Play this NOW. Bitch.
