Ageing Universe
Man, I feel old.WHAT is the deal with birthdays anyway? I mean think about it, what the Hell are we celebrating? That we've grown one year older? What the heck is that?
Have you ever stopped to think about what a year really is? It's 365 days. 365 days and 8 hours to be a little bit more accurate.
You're celebrating the fact that you've grown 365 days and 8 hours older. HOW STUPID IS THAT? No, look at it from the other point of view; you're celebrating that the Earth has revolved around the sun exactly once since last time. Yeah, that's A LOT better.
And therefore I propose we start dividing these things up in logical, well-measured units to make REAL birthdays. If there's one thing that annoys me about English speaking countries in this world, it's that they use a completely moronic measurement system. I mean, what the hell is an 'inch' anyway, and why the FUCK does it take 12 inches to make a foot?
3 feet to a yard.
5.5 (THINK about that, you idiots) yards to a ROD (these people disgust me)
And 320 rods to a mile.
Jesus, that's retarded, how do they get any calculating done over there?
No, instead, let us look at the precisely divided Metric System. It's BRILLIANT, and it totally PWNS anything else in this world.
I don't know who ever decided how long a meter was going to be, but at least he divided it up logically and simply. 10 decimeters, 100 centimeters, 1000 millimeters etc. And 10 meters to a decameter, 100 to a hectometer and 1000 to a kilometer.
IT WORKS, PEOPLE!!!!
So that's why I'm going to lobby to get my new Metric Years through.
We start at one day. 10 days is a week, 100 is a month, 1000 is a year, and THAT'S when we can celebrate our birthday, damn you. Think of it! We'll all be so much younger! Mortality rates will plummet, and women will be 18 for much MUCH LONGER! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
Yes. That'll work.
Back to business, I finished Jak and Daxter yesterday, without any trouble.
The game is really rather easy; your bog-standard "scout levels and find stuff" kind of affair, which we've already seen many many times before. Although Mario 64 was the first game to introduce gameplay like this, Jak and Daxter more than once reminds of Banjo Kazooie, only with a more American sense of humor. It's not bad though.
Technically speaking, the game is very impressive, luscious colorful environments, great animation, which has taken more than a passive look at Disney if you ask me, and most impressive of all, One Huge Gaming Environment.
There are NO loading delays in the entire game, hell, there aren't even any fade-outs. Every level is directly connected to the next, and you can even see bits from other levels when you stand on a high point in a totally different level.
The music SUCKS though, in extreme measures. It's like they thought at the last moment "oh shit, we have to throw in some music too" and then forced their illegal Zimbabwian immigrant Nabutu, who does all the cleaning, to take out his bongos and just randomly hammer away.
Man, sometimes I wonder if American companies care about Game Music AT ALL. Most American games have cheap licensed music, which sucks, and if they don't they have some terribly untalented idiot ramming away at a crappy synthesizer. Junk.
The rest of the sound is good though, good SFX, funny voice-acting, so that's okay.
Oh, and the Camera SUCKS, like it does in most 3D Action/Adventure Games.
You won't find anything in this game that'll surprise you though. You get a lava level, a snow level, the obligatory SpeedBike level, nothing special. You can tell the whole game runs on automatic 3D Platform Mode, and it was probably more about impressing graphically than anything else.
It's not bad by any means, but it's nothing out of the ordinary either. An 8.0.
posted by Ingen! @ 11:36 AM
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