Backlog: Breath of Fire 3
That's right! Not 1, not 2, but 3!
I never played 1, I did play 2 and it annoyed me to no end, so I figured I had established enough of a base to buy 3 without playing it first.
Boy was I wrong.
Breath of Fire is Capcom's attempt at creating a popular RPG franchise, in the vein of Square's Final Fantasy, Enix's Dragon Quest and Atari's Pit Fighter.
And in general I welcome ANYTHING Capcom does. Capcom is by far and away my favorite Video Game Company, because they're the only ones who seem to be able to handle practically every genre really well.
Practically, cos RPG's weren't really their cup of tea apparently. Although they've made a couple of really good ones in this day and age, it took them a long LONG time to produce anything that wasn't hair-tearingly annoying or mind-numbingly dull. Breath of Fire III was still before that time.
This game will frustrate the living CRAP out of you. I swear, at some point, I had to go to the toilet, and my CRAP started shouting at me and flinging itself at me for playing this.
It's not that it's boring, no, not at all, it's got some nice stuff. The ability system, where you can learn skills from enemies by using the 'watch' option in battle, and you can become a student under a master with his own specific skills which is nice and all. The game has a decent sense of humor, keeps up a good pace, yaddah yaddah, it's all
decent at best, but what it really excells in, is frustration.
First of all, ALL dungeons are of the Maze-type, which I really really REALLY HATE.
"Uh-oh, a crossroads! Which way shall we ever go?"
"Let's go left!"
"Well now, here's ANOTHER crossroads! This must mean we're heading in the right direction, let's go back to see if we missed anything. What the.....there's a FUCKING CROSSROADS HERE TOO!? DAMN YOU CAPCOM! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!"
I swear, this actually happened, the guy just stepped out of the game and he's doing my dishes now. Hey, be more careful! That's real porcelain you know!?
Fortunately you have to deal with a rather high encount rate as well. Joy!
And this is one of those games where, if you're attacked from behind, you are in real serious trouble. Enemies are already pretty damn fast in a normal battle, but if they can go first, you're pretty much screwed.
And then there's the fact that you miss a LOT. GOD I hate that.
The only good thing I can say about the battles is that the Bosses look pretty cool. Even though the environments are 3D, all enemies and characters are 2D sprites, and they're real pretty. You can leave that to Capcom. Bosses are HUGE and everything is very nicely animated as well.
In terms of events, there's a lot of variation too, there are puzzles, lots of mini-games, subquests etc. The main character Ryu can change into a dragon, despite what his name might suggest, and throughout the game you will find Dragon Genes to open up new species of dragon with new skills. When transforming you can choose to combine up to 3 genes to customize your own dragon, and favorite combinations can be saved for easy access. This system is really really cool, and far better than the dragon system in any of the other BoF's.
Oh, speaking of events, there's one REAL stinker though. At some point you have to traverse a Desert, which, if you know your games, is NEVER a lot of fun, but this game manages to make it feel like the Hot Hell it would be in real life.
Firstly, you have to deal with limited amounts of water, obviously. You're never bothered with having to drink water in the rest of the game, but there you go. You get 20 water units before you go in, and experience has taught me that you will run out before you get to the end EVERY TIME. Naturally, you'll start losing health when that happens. And of course there'll be random battles. To be fair, the encount rate for this area seems to have been dropped significantly.
But here's the real deal, you don't get a map, you have to navigate by USING THE STARS. Shit, I feel like I'm a junior Scout all over again. Where's my pocket knife so's I can stab myself!?
This desert is really FRIGGIN' HUGE and flat and boring and monotonous. Still, have fun following the stars, but know that if you diverge of the indicated route a little bit too much, that you''ll never find the way out. I talked to some friends who'd also played this game and asked them what they thought of it, and they ALL said that they stopped playing it at the Desert scene. You have to be a real Die Hard and actually WANT to finish the game to.....uh.....finish this game.
Still, if you do, there's some fun to be had, sporadically. There is decent reward for taking the long way, treasure chests usually hold something good, which I always appreciate, the story is nice, and there is a lot of variation, so it's not really bad or anything, you just need a LOT of patience and you really shouldn't try this if you're not a convinced RPG player. I give this a 7.0, but beware.
Here be Dragons.
Final Fantasy X
That's the Roman Numeral for 10, doncha know?
It's not a desperate attempt to make the Final Fantasy series sound cooler or more mysterious or anything. Although I think I did see a chocobo with an eyepatch somewhere.
Well, this is it. The end of the Final Fantasy series is drawing ever closer, only FFX-2 to go after this one, and that's pretty short and has largely the same environments anyway. I was kinda hoping to start playing FF 12 immediately after finishing all its prequels, but it seems that's not going to happen, since Square is taking a royal amount of time to complete this one. They haven't been showing us anything but FMV so far, so I'm figuring the actual game doesn't even exist yet.
Still, I can always play FFX very very SLOWLY and take my time, cos it's pretty big.
In this game, we play as Tidus, a feisty young Whippersnapper, who is an ace-player of the Zanarkand Apes or something, which is a famous Blitzball team. Don't know what Blitzball is? Well, count your lucky starts, cos you're not missing out on anything much.
Did you see Star Wars Episode 3 yet? Remember that scene where Senator Palpatine is watching this really weird display of big silver watery balls with lots of strange things jumping out? Well, THAT is pretty much what Blitzball looks like, only possibly less scary.
One day however, whilst Tidus is playing a match, the city of Zanarkand is attacked by a Huge Watery Monster Thingy, known as [Sin] which starts tearing up the place, possible because he's a hooligan, but we don't know.
Anyway, at the end of it all, Tidus is whisked away through some kind of dimensional time warp thingy, like the ones you get when you go to visit your grandparents, and he ends up in.....the exact same world, only a thousand miles to the south. *gasp*
Fortunately for him, the water is very warm!
But wait! There's more! It may be the exact same planet, BUT!!!! IT'S 1000 YEARS LATER! Man, I hate when that happens! Think of all the back payments on taxes you owe!
So Tidus starts looking for clues and a way back to his own time, and he meets lots of people on the way and fights monsters, falls in love, kills religious leaders, you know,
the usual. Man, sometimes a day goes by WITHOUT stuff like that happening to me.
In any case, this is the first FF on PS2, which brings some changes with it, but I'll tell you about that in my end-of-game review, as usual. Aren't you lucky?
But until that time.....
最期かもしれないだろ？だから、全部話しておきたいんだ。
Fog
Yay! Final Fantasy IX is finished!
Took a little bit longer than I expected, but then I actually bothered to complete most of the subquests, which can take some time.
Sooooooooooooooooooo. FF9. Yeah.
Back in the day, this game was announced to be a 'return to origin' for the series, so no more modern Westernised characters (FF8) and no Anime-esque design either (FF7), and basically, no cool villain, no brilliant story, and no Big High-Tech City shaped like a Pizza (all also FF7).
Kuja isn't really a very interesting bad guy. He's too gay, for one thing, and I know that Japanese have this misled belief that guys with long silver hair are cool, but NO. Except for Sephiroth of course.
The story is kinda decent though, it's not that clever, but it's got that whole phylosophical and existential twist going on, and of course some babbling about souls and life energy and shit, courtesy of good ole' Hironobu Sakaguchi.
Put simply, the characters aren't that interesting.
Zidane is too cocky.
Eiko is too annoying.
Dagger is too boring.
Freya might as well not even be there.
Quina is initially funny, but her whole 'relate everything to food' bit becomes annoying really fast. I mean, some relativation is good, but keep it limited.
The only characters I enjoyed were Vivi and Steiner, out of which Vivi is actually the only one who gets a decent background. And you have to like him. Hating Vivi is like Hating a very small fluffy duckling. I tell ya though, sometimes when I say those little yellow balls of shit floating on the water, I just wanna.........
But I Digress.
Steiner is actually pretty much a two-dimensional character as well, but I only liked him because he was a hard-ass on EVERYONE who's not a princess, except for Vivi. And he was the obvious comic relief character. He does get the girl with the Huge Breasts at the end of the game though. Gotta respect that.
As for the game itself, well, it's pretty standard. Like they said, it's a return to origin, so you're basically getting the kind of battle you already got 3 times on the SuperNES. Boss battles are a very simple matter of just using the same attacks over and over and over until they die, which is kinda boring. FF8 suffered from the same thing, only FF7 offered a more balanced battle system, where at least the use of summons was restricted.
And typically, like in the old games, you will meet some really annoying 'counter EVERYTHING' monsters and cheap 'instant death' bosses, which is what made the old games so damn FRUSTRATING sometimes.
I really like the subgames here though. Ever since FF7 it seems to be common to have one major subgame that leads to all kinds of cool and rare shit. In FF7 it was Chocobo breeding, in FF8 it was the Card game, and here it is the Chocobo Digging Game. There IS a card game in FF9, but it is totally useless. You don't get ANYTHING for playing it. It's only fun if you're a completist or an avid collector, which, unfortunately, I am. I found 94 of the 100 cards, but I think I have save game somewhere, where I have all of them. Pretty Sick, even for me.
Thing is though, the game will often reward skillful treasure-hunting with a card, which is kinda stupid, considering there is no USE to these cards AT ALL. And that is one of my major problems with this game. All too often it rewards you with rare, but totally useless items. Like Equipment for characters that are only in your party for one short section in the game, and you get said equipment, like, 3 Discs later.
The digging subgame I found to be really fun though, although it's probably not for everyone. It's very rewarding at least, and most of the really strong equipment can be gathered through this game.
Oh, and I really dislike the Trance System. Every Final Fantasy game, since FF7, has had some kind of 'limit' attack, and it's invariably been better than Trance. For, you see, by receiving damage, the Trance gauge increases, and when it's full, you become stronger, and sometimes earn some temporary new skills. The problem is though. It only works during the battle when your gauge is filled, and you can't take it with you too other battles. Unlike FF7, where a filled limit gauge could only be used when you wanted too, or FF8, where you could use limit skills as long as your HP was low enough. So all too often you'll get Tranced during a stupid fight with weak enemies, which seems like a total waste. Even more often you will be tranced shortly before the fight ends, which just makes you feel annoyed.
In all, the key for this game is "charming". It's very good, but not great, it doesn't really have any memorable moments, despite many of the spectacular CG movies, I was just like 'meh' most of the time.
But this IS a Square game, after all, and they know how to make a fun, varied and rewarding RPG, better than almost everyone else.
This game is definitely more sensical and better worked out than FF8, but it lacks the elements to become a real classic: 9.3.
Almost at the end of the F, now!
Dark Heroes
So I saw Batman Begins last night. Pretty cool movie I thought. It seemed really well balanced between all-out action and story/character development. The only problem was that Christian Bale, although his Bruce Wayne was adequate, is kinda stupid as Batman. For some reason or other, he figured that, when he has his suit on, he has to talk like something has been shoved up his batcave.
Ahahaha. Yes.
I only made mention of this fact because I wanted to make that stupid joke. Blogs RULE!
No, actually, I DO have a random rant today, to bore you to death with.
For some reason this little factoid hit me last night when I was trying to go to sleep, but my body was so hepped up on Sugar and Cafeine that my brain started to create all kinds of conspiracy theories instead of just switching itself off and leave me at peace. I now know why Alcohol is so popular.
But my point is this: Have you ever noticed that in Japanese Video Games, there are almost NO black people AT ALL!? Seriously. Before you go, whatever, Ingen, get a life, not a blog; I encourage you to think just one moment about this.
Off the top off your head, name me ONE MAIN character in a Japanese Video Game, who's black. A
playable one.
Now most of you probably said 'Barret' from FF7, or maybe DeeJay from Street Fighter, but I have a strong suspicion that his real skin color is Red, and he has horns and a tail. Know of anyone else? Nope, neither do I.
Now, a Black SUBCharacter? No? Okay, there's Raijin in FF8, but that's about it.
Now, a game that has insignificant Black NPC's? Anyone? Exactly.
THEY'RE ALL WHITE.
Even in FF8 for instance, which has one Black Dude, has NO other Black people in the entire Gaming world. Wait, maybe there was one other Student at Balamb Garden, but that's IT. On an ENTIRE planet!? Only Two Black people!?
How did they get there?Seriously, can you think of a single NON-WESTERN game that has a lot of black people?
Off the top of my head only Terranigma comes to mind, and that's probably only because it's actually about THIS planet and it takes place in cities and regions that actually exist.
And then there's Rick in Dino Crisis, and this one Cop in Resident Evil 2, so Capcom makes sure they've got all the minorities present at least. The Cop turns into a zombie though and you have to blow his head off. Kinda strange, since the game takes place in an entire citie, infested with Zombies, and this cop dude is the ONLY black guy you'll meet. Including all the Zombies.
So what is it? Are Japanese not aware of Black People form a huge part of the planet's populace, or do they figure Black People are not important or interesting enough? I mean, I don't wanna sound all politically correct or anything, it's just something I noticed.
And what do we get in the West? LOTS of Black People in our games, and they're ALL about Gang Wars and Violence and Street Crime. Beeyotch!
I'd say that the Black Rights Movement still has a long way to go.
Hell, even when you get to some exotic place, in the middle of the desert in a Japanese RPG, most people'll still be white, despite all logic and reason.
Fighting games? One out of 33 fighters in SFZero 3 is black. Wouldn't count Dhalsim as a black guy, he's frickin' yellow, despite the fact that he's Indian! One out of 56 in Marvel vs. Capcom 2, and that's Storm, so she HAD to be black. SNK games don't even have ONE in their entire universe, I think. We do have Zack in the DoA games though. And he wears an
Alien suit.
Now, I know that in Japan, there indeed hardly ARE any Black People, so maybe it just never occurred to them. But even when making games in a Western mold it still doesn't seem to present itself as an option, let alone a likely necessity.
Are they afraid the other NPC's will get mugged when the player's not looking?
It's weird I tellz ya!
And YES, this is pure filler until I finish Final Fantasy 9, which is EVER so close.
No Black People in there either though.
Backlog Whatever: Brave Fencer Musashiden
I'm kinda starting to loose count here, what with me buying new games every once in a while, so my numerical order has completely gone to crap, but at least the alphabet is still the same. I think.
SO, Let's have a look at another Squaresoft game here. Brave Fencer Musashiden is the name and to get right down to it. IT SUCKS. Balls.
Like I described in a previous review on a non-RPG by Square, the company seems to have the mistaken idea that they can make cool games that are not RPG's.
Well, technically speaking, Brave Fencer Musashiden (hereafter referred to as BFM. No, better make that SUX) has some RPG elements. It's an action RPG more than anything but that's still a world apart from regular RPG's which Square DOESN'T suck at.
So you play Musashi, a legendary hero, who is revived from his eternal sleep to save the Kingdom of Allucaneat (or Yakuinikku in Japanese) from the Evil Empire which name I have repressed. Only it turns out that this once legendary figure is now a snotty little brat with a mouth bigger than his brain and it's up to him to rescue all the lost villagers, and, oh yes, there's also a princess involved in this somewhere.
Being Musashi, you get two swords, one with elemental powers that lets you pull off special attacks, and one with absorbing powers that lets you take over enemy skills.
Sounds cool? Oh, it is, but that's about the only thing in this game.
Using your weapons and generally walking around will earn you experience points to make your character grow stronger, blah blah blah, RPG elements, blah blah blah, stupid.
No, let me get right down to it, this game is frustrating as HELL. No, in fact, HELL is generally considered less annoying than this game. I was talking to Satan the other day (he's my accountant) and he said he cried through most of this game and he wondered what he ever did to deserve this kind of treatment.
He was going to open up a special Musashi-corner in Hell but decided that even he had to draw a line somewhere.
And you know what, as usual, Satan is right.
But let me sum up all the good things first: The Voice Acting. Period.
And apparently they royally screwed this up for the Western version too. I read some reviews of the American version, and everyone seemed to agree the voice acting was atrocious, which is a shame, cos it's the only really good thing about the Japanese version. This game had me laugh out loud at some points, which is a good achievement.
The Humor is great, lots of puns and stuff, and very funny voice acting. It's good that this game doesn't seem to be taking itself too seriously. That helps. That is all though.
Now onto the bad.
Let's see what we have here.
First off, and I always HATE this in a game, there's a fatigue meter, which automatically increases whilst you do
anything. If it gets too high you'll become tired and move slower, which is terribly annoying. Fortunately you can go to sleep anywhere you want, to recover some health. Your Magic meter will keep on decreasing though, and you will be open to attack, and let's face it, you have to SPEND TIME JUST WATCHING YOUR CHARACTER SLEEP. How fucking GREAT is that!?!?!?!
Thanks, Square, I can't wait for your next game: Brave Gardener Kusashi: The Growing of Grass.
Secondly, you have a very limited inventory. I always HATE that too. Having to deal with this in a survival horror game is one thing, but in an Action RPG? I mean, come on! What's worse you get a lot of useless shit from treasure chests, only you don't know what is useless, and what can be used to sell, or for sub-quests, so you're always carrying junk around, with little space left for food and healing items.
Speaking of which, food goes to waste over time. Oh yes I love that too. So stumble into a dungeon and take a little bit too long and your healing options are gone.
Oh, except for SLEEPING of course.
"Excuse me, huge Ice Bird Type Creature, I'm kinda low on health here, so I'll just take a nap now, if you don't mind."
"Wark."
Oh and you know what's REALLY bad? If you don't have any poison curing items with you. You see, poison is fucking EVERYWHERE. Absorb the wrong type of enemy and you can get poisoned, and if you don't have a healing item, you will be poisoned FOREVER, until you DO get one. Poison NEVER goes away. And you know what? It doesn't only make you loose health, it makes you incredibly, fenomenally, astoundingly SLOW.
Really, you have NEVER seen a video game character move this slow. Aya Brea? She's fucking Olympics material compared to Musashi on Poison.
And there's this one dungeon which is really FAR from the main (read: ONLY) village in the game, so if you get poisoned there, which happens a LOT, you have to go ALL the way back SLOWLY AS CRAP to get some healing items. Lovely.
And then! There's some extremely annoying events in the game. At some point, there's this big Mill or something, which is used to provide the village with energy and stuff using steam. At some point it goes haywire, and you have to close ALL the valves in this BIG tower thingy, all in numerical order.
And you know what? YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH A TIME RESTRICTION.
Oh, and guess what again, when you close one valve, you have to deal with yet ANOTHER, SHORTER time constriction to get to the next valve. And valves can only be closed with very accurately timed button presses. Oh, and of course, since this is a big tower, there's plenty of opportunity to fall down and have to start from the bottom again. I love this. And I know Square must love this too, because later in the game, THEY HAVE YOU DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This time you have to actually FIND the valves first though, cos someone took them off. Pure Gaming Brilliance.
Christ, I can tell you, I was screaming some very nasty things at this game around that point. And that's when I realised, Games are supposed to be FUN. Why the Hell do people make a game as fucking frustrating as this? Do they think we like it?
Do they think "Amusement is for pussies, They Must Suffer!".
I. Hate. This. Game.
Which is why I give it a big fat 4. Want to tell someone you hate his guts? Give him this game. Wanna break up with your girlfriend without having a long talk? Give her this game. Wanna cause Nuclear Warfare? Give Bush this game.
Bad Square. Satan doesn't like you.
Mushrooms
LOL.
Fortunately there ARE still people in this world with a sense of humor, and surprisingly, they're Japanese. Apparently this group of weird people made a song using some of the sound samples of the original Super Mario Bros game and added a very annoying beat and some really hilarious lyrics (if you know Japanese).
My reliable sources tell me this piece of musical excellence has actually made it into the charts, which could only happen there probably. Fortunately for us, we have Schnappi das Kleine Pain in the Arsch.
Download this great piece of work here:
DASH!
People Suck.
In lieu of talking about games today, let me entertain you with a little true story about something that happened to me yesterday, which left me totally baffled about the state of mankind and especially the state of humor in this country.
You see, it was around half past twelve at night, and I had had a busy night of gaming and watching movies and I was making my way back to the Train Station by foot, you know, to loose some pounds. Yes.
So there I was, walking along, minding nothing but my own business, when this car pulls up beside me, and the driver lowers the window and says: "Excuse me Sir!?"
I look sideways and I see a serious face in a white shirt looking at me, and the guy riding shotgun leaning over to get a good look too, and I said, in my most eloquent of voices "Yes?"
"Yeah, we're from the local police, and we were wondering, what are you doing on the streets at this time of night?"
"Well, I'm just walking to the Train Station actually."
"Are you under influence of alcohol?"
"When am I not!? I mean.....No." (I didn't actually say that first bit)
"Do you mind if we check if you're speaking the truth?"
And at that point alarm bells started going off, cos this was some weird fucking shit (as opposed to shit that fucks in conventional ways), so I started closely analyzing the facts, and I couldn't find anything indicating the fact that these were in fact real policemen. But the inside of the car was dark, I could see the guy was wearing a white shirt, and there might have been some kind of badge or patch on his arm, I couldn't really see. Besides you get civil patrols as well sometimes, so maybe they were just incognito.
Part of me wanted to ask to see their badge, but for some reason I didn't.
"ummm......okay....." I said.
"good, would you go and stand near that tree over there please?"
And then I was like, WTF? Tree? Why the Hell do I have to stand near a tree? Is that safer or anything? Are you afraid I will miss out on some important oxygen?
So I look sideways to see the nice tree he was talking about, and it WAS a nice tree, and I hear the screeching of tires and I see the car speeding away like crazy, presumably with some hilarious laughter inside, turn a corner, and never reappear.
And at that exact moment, Huge Neon Letters appeared over my head, saying W.T.F!?
Seriously, you could actually see a speech bubble over my head with a big '?' mark in it.
I mean, come on! Does this pass for humor these days? Is this what is considered a fun prank? If you're going to fool someone, do it right, and make it funny, you losers. In this case, I was just like "Ooooooooookaaaaaaaayyyyy" and I had half a mind to write down their license plate number and report them to the police for impersonating an officer.
What's even weirder, they didn't seem drunk or anything, and that scares me.
To think that people would be sober and do something so totally childish and unfunny.
If they HAD been drunk, I would've been like 'hah hah, very funny' and be done with it, but NOW is was like 'what the hell kind of education did you get, if any?'
And I was actually annoyed, not because they tried to fool me, but because they thought that this was a nice way of messing with people. COME ON.
Go get yourself a sense of humor and do it right already.
I think one of them used to write for Jay Leno.
Maybe they wanted to see me freak out or something, but throughout the whole short conversation I was like 'Sure, whatever' maybe that's why they left so soon.
I bet they watch Will and Grace and actually think it's
funny.
But I showed them! I just wrote an irate piece on my powerful and influential Weblog!
The ball will start rolling from here on, and they will soon find themselves Complete and Utter Losers, before they know it, by the power of VooDoo!
Now I know why Madagascar did so well at the box office.
Final Fantasy IX
You know an effective way of disguising that you're making a series that has WAY too many installments? Give it a Roman Numeral at the end! That way, noone'll ever know, cos they'll just think the creators have a litteracy problem!
The Mega Man series tried this for awhile, but they gave up around Mega Man 7, and they didn't even bother for the X series, cos that would
certainly be too confusing. Mega Man X IV anyone? Right.
Of course you could always make a combination of both and name your game Final Fantasy X-2. No, on second thought, that would be REALLY stupid.
Good, now that that has been cleared up, Final Fantasy 9.
Back in the day this game was hyped because it was reportedly going to be a 'back to origin' type of affair. So no more High-tech environments or Anime characters, or people looking like Leonardo DiCaprio, but cutesy fantasy type characters designed by Yoshitaka 'Hairy Monkey' Amano.
What this means exactly, I will leave for the review once I'm done, but at least you know what to expect now.
In this game, you play Zidane, a cocky kid making a living as a thief, and sporting a nice tail for some reason or other. The game starts where Zidane and his pack of hoodlums decide to kidnap princess Garnet for a wealthy ransom and knowing the Final Fantasy Team, will probably involve one or more of the following: Flying Objects that were not originally designed to fly, Major Characters being related to other Major characters, a Card Game, Yellow Walking Birds that go 'Wark' or 'Kue', a Bad Guy with long silver hair, and lots and lots of CG, consuming so much storage space that each CD-ROM has 3 minutes of gameplay exactly.
I just got started and have first taken control over Schteiner and I'm not excited.
To be honest, I think I played through this game last year, very shortly before I started this whole Insane Project, but I decided to play it again anyways, cos IT'S THE RULES PEOPLE. Right.
More on this as it happens!
Compress THIS!
Yay! Another Final Fantasy is Finished!
This is going a lot quicker than I imagined, which, strangely enough, cannot be said about my thesis or those other reports I have to finish before the end of the academic year. How odd...
It's a good thing our PC sucks, or I would have to be immersed in the World of Warcraft as well. Huzzah for out of date PC's!
Anyway, Final Fantasy 8, right?
Well, I really dunno what to think of this one, it's really a kind of Love-Hate affair I have with this game. You see, on the one hand, you have this game that is obviously made with the utmost of skill and experience. It still looks stunning to this day (well, the CG does at least, I mean, some of these movies still give me goosebumps, they're just so fucking AWESOME), and you can tell that there's a team of people behind this game who have a long history of creating succesful RPG's, cos it's professional, it has loads of stuff to do, it's definitely original and it spans four CD's adding up to a little under 40 hours of gameplay.
And on the other hand, you have an experience system that just doesn't seem well thought out, a story FULL of plotholes, implausible and stupid plot twists, a world that doesn't make ANY sense whatsoever, and the originality factor means they've just basically thrown out everything that makes RPG's cool. I mean, it's like they never stopped to think 'does this make sense?' and just did it, because they thought it sounded or looked cool. I have rarely played an RPG that is so insulting to one's intelligence. And really, really really, the plot twist are really really stupid. Really.
I was going to make a list of all the things that don't make sense about this game, but then I decided the Internet doesn't have enough storage space.
So instead, I'll make a list of stuff that is simply not good:
1. The Experience system. You see, you only need to earn 1000 points to level up, every time. Suikoden also has a system like that, only the creators of that particular series actually spent some thought on it. For, in Suikoden, the amount of experience you get depends on your level. If you're low level, you get a lot, if you're high, you get very little. This makes it very easy for new characters to get up to standard. Not here though. You see, in FF8, the enemy level depends on yours. And that IS a good idea, that was actually handled very well in Final Fantasy Tactics. Not here. The higher an enemy level, the more exp. you get. So this means, the higher YOUR level, the more experience you get, the faster you will level up! I mean, that's just STUPID. This means that in the beginning of the game, everything will be going slowly, but towards the end, you'll level up after almost every battle.
I've never played an RPG where level 99 was so easy to reach. Stupid.
2. No treasure chests. I mean, what the FUCK? WHAT were they thinking!? but I guess it's okay, cos we also get:
3. No Equipment. Okay, everyone has a weapon, which can be upgraded at a Junk Shop if you have the right items, but nothing can be bought, and you don't get protective gear or anything. Stupid.
4. Too much stress on Summons, or GF as they are known here. You have to equip summons to be able to do
anything. Every summon monster can learn skills, which can then be used by the person equipping them, and I have to admit, I do like this system, it also means that you don't have to worry when an under-leveled character is forced into your party, and there are a lot of really cool and useful skills, but the most important thing is that GF's allow you to 'junction', as it is called, magic on your stats to improve strength and defense, thus taking the place of armor etc. Which brings us to problem 5.
5. No Magic Points. Instead, you just get an amount of magic that is consumed when you use it. So you need to make sure you have enough magic with you always. Which is where the Draw system comes into play. Magic has to be drawn from enemies. Drawn magic can be put on your status to make you stronger. So using magic
makes you weaker. And since you're usually pretty weak to begin with, you are often FORCED to use your summons to wipe out enemies. And the Summons are VERY long, which is the point this game has been criticized for most. They do have a 'support' option, where you have to time button presses to increase damage, so at least that keeps you busy during animations.
So is there another way to get magic, without spending battle turn after battle turn drawing? Yes. The Card game. Yes you read right. The CARD game. Some of the skills of GF's allow you to change items into magic (at very favorable rates), and these items will be dropped by enemies usually, but another way to get these items is by winning cards in the card game and using the Card Morph skills to create items, which in turn can be changed into magic.
So basically, if you don't want to get screwed you NEED to play the Card game, extensively. Unique, but very weird, and rather stupid. Fortunately, I rather liked the Card game, but I can see how much trouble this game would be if you don't.
So all of the above indicates that originality is often a way of completely destroying the integrity of a game.
But you see, the game somehow manages to be FUN. I don't know why, but I find myself greatly enjoying it every time I play it, and I've played it a LOT already.
WHY!? WHY GOD WHY!? Well, I'm sure God doesn't understand himself either, cos I think the Japanese are the only people who've escaped his supervision. Damn those little bastards!
I guess one of the points is that, with that whole item system, getting items, especially rare ones, feels very good, and makes the game exciting, but you're always subject to fate/luck, there's very little you can do to influence the outcome, so you're not really rewarded for effort, just randomly get presents.
It's like you get raise from your boss, not because you've done a great job, but because it's Monday 13th. June.
and the weather outside is cloudySecondly, although the story is stupid, the events themselves are GREAT. There's a lot of action and spectacularity....ness? And some of the scenes really KICK ASS. The bit where Balamb Garden is attacked by Galbadia Garden is SO awesome to behold, but there is always this nagging feeling that what is happening is actually really stupid. I mean, these Gardens are a kind of Military Academy Buildings, but they can FLY. Nobody knew this, but it is discovered by accident, and it just so happens that the other gardens discover it at exactly the same time. And......oh, shit I could go on all day about this.
So the big question is, is this game worth playing?
YES.
Like I said, there's a good possibility you'll end up enjoying this game very much, despite it all, since it's rather easy, and the whole levelling system at least means you can never be under-levelled, so there's very little stress. And if there is some kind of stress, there's a good chance the game offers you something to relieve it or avoid it all together.
But foremostly, the Ending IS GOD.
That's right. The Ending is an Ethereal Existence. This is by far and away the BEST and most beautiful ending I have ever seen in my entire life, and I've played hundreds and HUNDREDS of video games. Maybe it's because I was just glad the damn game was over....
No, it ROCKS, and it even makes it worth to struggle through the whole 40 hour ordeal. DO IT NOW. If you have FF8 lying around somewhere, and you haven't played it for awhile. DO IT NOW. SEE THE ENDING. It will make you feel good in ways you've never thought possible.
9.0, provided you can get over all the oddities this game offers, and don't take the story too seriously.
Samples!
The Man with the Machine GunCompression of TimeThe Legendary Beast
#15: Bouncer, the
Aaaahhhh, Square.
Square has got a great legacy of brilliant RPG's and they have become a multi-billion dollar company through a certain alliterated franchise, and at some point in recent history they were thinking thusly:
Exec 1: "Hey, you know what?"
Exec 2: "What?"
1: "I noticed this here Terminal Illusion (renamed for integrity of those involved) game is selling pretty well! This must mean we totally ROCK at making video games!"
2: "What?"
1: "So, we could try different stuff right? We could try making.....um.....a racing game! And call it Racing Lagoon, because Lagoon is a cool word, and it's a racing game! And then, it'll sell so disasterously bad, we can make ANOTHER racing game and call it Driving Emotion Type S, because it's an outrageously stupid title, and we'll make it real pretty, cos that's what we do, but we'll throw in completely uncontrollable controls and make it suck like HELL. And Satan works right here at the marketing department, he'll tell you how much HELL sucks!"
2: "Did you take your pills today?"
1: "Shut up, right? And THEN, and THEN, THEN, we can move on to new territory and make a fighting game! YES, I'M A GENIUS! It'll sell like hotcakes, cos it will say Square on the box!"
2: "Didn't we already make 3 very poorly selling fighting games on PSX?"
1: "Yes, I ROCK, thank you for noting that. So, lately, I've been hanging out
at these bars, a LOT. And I was thinking, SHIT, it would be so totally COOL if a fight would break out now, so I could take a good look at it from a safe distance and make a video game about it. And then, I shall call it......The Bouncer! (cue 'hallelujah' choir and bright lights from the ceiling). Best. Game. Ever."
2: "You know this is gonna suck hard balls, right?"
1: "Sorry, dude, but I'm not into that kinda thing. I'm flattered though, you can give me your telephone number later."
Secretary: "Sir? The Enix Executives are here again, they're mumbling something about cooperation....?"
1: "God, I'm so sick of these guys. Tell them to go get a bottle of sake and we'll talk. No. Make that five."
And thus, another completely useless and stupid game was born from the Square Factory, simply because they fail to realise that they suck at everything that's not an RPG.
Okay, in all honesty, The Bouncer (hereafter referred to simply as: The Bouncer) is not TOTALLY crappy. It's really really short, which is good, cos that prevents it from getting on your nerves or becoming boring before you finish it.
That's good right? Hmmm.
Also, you get to choose from one of three characters at the start of every fight, slightly influencing dialogue and some events and scenes. At the end of every battle you get battle points which can be used to customize your character, by buying New Skills or raising Stats, which is also a nice idea.
It's just that it fails to get good. It is at all times mediocre at best and not very interesting. I wouldn't call it quite as bad as many of the reviews on the Internet seem to make out, but it's by no means good either.
If you like this kind of game, you might get some slight satisfaction out of it, but other than that, there is absolutely no reason to play this game.
A 6.7.
Genesis
In the Beginning there was nothing.
NOTHING as far as the eye could see, if there had been any eyes at that time, but there weren't, due to the fact that there was nothing.
Then, slowly and softly, the Capcom Logo appeared across the Nothingness accompanied by a relaxing jingle, with the word "presents" written beneath it in golden letters.
And then The Universe came into existence.
This is the real truth behind the Big Bang theory, although, knowing the nature and shape of the Universe, the Big Wang Theory seems a more appropriate terminology.
This particular theory gave rise (ahaha) to Penistianity and the Holy Scripture known as the By-Ball and it has been accepted as The Grand Truth in enlightened circles across the globe. But that's not important right now.
You see, even with this new-found Universe, there was still practically nothing. Sure there were some stars and some planets, but they were barren and desolate.
And then there was God.
And God created Greeneries, Arboreta, and Weed. I'm sorry,
WeedS.And all was beautiful for millions of years, but God grew tired of speaking to trees and it is at that moment that He spake thus:
"DAMNZ, YO, THIS WHOLE PLACE SUXXZ, THERE AIN'T NOONE HERE AND I'M BORED SHITLESS, LOOKS LIKE THOSE TROLLS UP AT THE COUNCIL OF GODS HAVE GIVEN ME ONE OF THE CRAPPY PLANETS AGAIN. I GOT PWN3D!"
Which showed that God was not only way ahead of His Time, but also suffered extremely low Education.
And the Council of Gods spake unto him thusly:
"ROFLMAO!!!!!! U NOOB!! C YA, BYE!!!!!!!11111"
And God was Angry.
But He would Show Them! He would create something out of this miserable empty, yet beautifully decorated if He said so Himself, planet, and He decided to create Life.
And He took some Sand and some Water, and He Messed about with it until He begat Clay and from this Clay, He fashioned Man. And when I say Man, I mean MAN.
He created this man in His own likeness, because He was extremely vain and had spent all of His imagination on plants already.
And He named this Man Adam, for He could only create a Name of up to 5 letters, and He was a bit Dyslexic.
And all was well, for a while. Adam lived in peace and tranquil harmony in the Holy Garden of Edin, where he feasted upon many-colored fruits and healthy vegetables.
But Adam grew weary of his empty existence. Life was good, but it was also boring, and Adam had noone to speak to, because God was hardly ever home, and never returned his calls, so he filed a complaint in the Idea Box and asked God for a Companion.
Besides, Adam had this weird appendix at the bottom of his romp, that seemed kinda useless, and he wanted to talk to somebody about it.
And God Spake:
"WELL SHIT, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU, BRO, BUT I'M CLEAN OUT OF CLAY, AND I AIN'T MAKING ANY NEW!"
But Adam begged, pleaded and requested, not necessarily in that order, and finally God got fed up and spake:
"OH, ALL RIGHT, YOU TROLL, JESUS CHRIST (hey, I like that name! Gotta remember that)"
But since God was a real Prick sometimes, He decided to teach Adam a lesson, by pulling one of his ribs out and fashioning another image in His exact likeness, only this one didn't have the appendix, but instead sported what looked like a Cartridge Slot.
But Adam cried:
"What the Hell do you think you're doing!? You took one of my ribs! I need those!"
And God felt kinda sorry and wanted to appease Adam. And it was at that point that He had His One Moment of Clarity and He did what is now widely regarded as the Best Move in History of Mankind.
And God Created Titties.
And All was forever Well.
#14: BioHazard Code Veronica
God, is anyone getting tired of this yet? Yeah?
Well, I had to actually PLAY through all of this, so shut up.
So, this is the 4th game in the series, although in terms of storyline (yeah right) it's the fifth. This time you play as Clair Redfield (again!) and her brother Chris Redfield (again!) because they're both looking for each other, regardless of the fact they're both on the cover-art together.
This was also the first BioHazard to be created in full 3D, instead of the prerendered backgrounds. This inevatibly means the game is not quite as pretty, even though it's running on DreamCast now, but the 3D models are better.
God what can I say about this one? Fortunately, there's no big ugly Fuck chasing after you throughout the whole game, but you do have to deal with the Ashford Twins, being Alfred and Alexia, who share a sibling love for each other that borders on incest, and I have to admit, out of all the subplots in the series, I definitely enjoyed this one most.
Alfred Ashford is deliciously deranged, his voice acting is completely over the top, and I love it, there are some classic dialogues in here. Also, there's a lot of "LET'S GO!" and "LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! HURRY" which kinda gets on your nerves after a while.
But what really bothered me were the puzzles. There has never been a lot of variety in the BioHazard puzzles, but this one seems to be the worst. It doesn't help that you're dealing with a game that's at least twice as large as any of the prequels, cos it means you get twice as many of the same puzzles, which are in itself already superfluous.
I tell you, at some point, I'd seen so many hollows and indentations I had to put emblems and shit in that I couldn't even sleep straight anymore, and I started making up more appropriate names, like, if you know Japanese: BioHamekomu Ana ga Aru, KubomioHazard, or: Resi-evil DENT.
And you know what I said about BioHazard 3 (it's right below here, you fool!)? You know? That, even though we've seen it all before, it's still fun, cos it's decent Zombie Blasting? Well, forget it. I don't know exactly why, but shooting Zombies just wasn't any fun in this game. With a new Graphical engine apparently came a new Combat System as well, although it works exactly the same, it just
feels different. I also had the feeling that most Zombies took way too long before they died. They just keep getting up and up and UP AND AWAY!
Sorry about that.
So if you have a BioHazard with too many tired old puzzles, no fun shooting (Why do we get that sucky bowgun for Clair again!?) and that obnoxious little shit called Steve, what are you left with?
An extremely standard Survival Horror that is meat nor fish (Dutchlish? Look it up!) and might just as well be skipped, cos neither Claire or Chris is as cool (or tasty!) as Leon anyway.
A very marginal 7.0 for this one.
Samples!
Theme of NosferatuRasenTheme of Alexia Type 1
#13 BioHazard 3: Last Escape
Sigh.
Being the sequel to BioHazard 1 and 2, and.....oh forget it!
The STAR (pun very much intended) of this game is, again, Jill Valentine, who, after succeeding in escaping the mansion and its laboratory in part 1, finds herself in Raccoon City (what the Hell kinda name is that anyway?) once again to dispose of all the zombies that are still left crawling around in the city.
The game takes place around the same time Leon and Claire are running around, and shortly after, but even though you go to a lot of the same places, you never actually get to see them. You do get to see someone else though. His name is Nemesis and he likes flower arrangeing and Karaoke and he looks a little something like this:
What you can't see here is that this guy is also very much into Mass Destruction, which is why he carries a Bazooka with him most of the time. What you also can't tell is that this guy is after you FOR ABOUT 90% OF THE GAME. AND HE CAN WALK THROUGH DOORS! HE WILL FOLLOW YOU EVERYWHERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH FUN THAT IS?
Well, neither can I.
Okay, so it's not
exactly 90%, more like 50 or something, but that is still extremely annoying since you can't really kill him. You can put him down for a while though, and of course there's a couple of key moments where you HAVE to fight him, other than that, this guy's here to the end. And obviously he takes a shitload of ammo before he shows even the slightest signs of pain.
Too make a long story short, this is a really really cheap way of putting suspense in a game. YES, you will freak out, but only because you know you'll get your ass kicked if you stand still too long, and you can't really hide anywhere. It's an exceedingly cheesy way of making this game scary, and anyone who's played any Silent Hill game (there's that
other series again) knows that scariness can also be something psychological and original.
And this is the very thing that takes most of the fun out of the game. It's a nice game in itself, I mean, as mentioned before, it's still BioHazard, and they're just good, fun games in general. Shooting Zombies is still unparalleled fun, and this time you get oil drums and explosive devices to wreak major havoc on big groups of undead, which is really cool, it's just that you have to deal with that invincible asshole all the time.
The story is pretty much non-existent. The only point seems to be that Raccoon City has to be blown up for story purposes and to get rid of all the mess and that's about it.
What is also disappointing is that the scenario's are not quite as varied as before.
At regular intervals in the game you have to make an important decision; the screen will flash white for a moment, and two options will appear on screen, and you have to choose what you do quickly.
What you choose will affect the ensuing course of the game, and there are some really significant differences, but in the end, you will always end up at the same point, with the same ending, which is kind of a wasted opportunity. No real different scenario's like in BH2, and no varied endings like in BH1.
Still, it may warrant a couple of playthroughs, just to see what happens, and really, sometimes the differences are pretty cool.
It's pretty obvious though, that this is a major step-down from BioHazard 2.
By this time, you can be either one of two people:
- You are fed up with BioHazard already and want nothing to do with it anymore
- You are fed up with BioHazard already but you still think they're good fun because if it ain't broke, yadda yadda.
I fall into the second category, which is why I give this an 8.0.
I still enjoyed it a lot, cos it's just simple fun, but there's no real surprises and not as much variety as the prequel.
Samples!:
Free from FearCity of Ruin
#12: BioHazard 2
Being the Sequel to BioHazard 1, the Prequel to BioHazard 3, and more directly to BioHazard Code Veronica and BioHazard 4 and the PreSequel to BioHazard 0.
Capcom deserves a Nobel Prize for Literature, that's for sure.
So, chronologically, this was the second BioHazard EVER to be released, and it has exchanged the backdrop of The Old Dusty Mansion for the Modern Derelict City.
The T-Virus that causes people to turn into Zombies, and dogs to turn into...well...
bad dogs, with little chunks of flesh hanging at their sides, has spread through the City of Raccoon City. Damn, I need to start thinking ahead when I write these sentences. So basically, everyone's a Zombie, except for Rookie Cop Leon S. Kennedy, who finds his first day on the job a little more than he bargained for (how's that for an initiation prank, huh?), and Claire Redfield, sister of Chris Redfield, who disappeared at the end of the first game.
Well actually, he didn't disappear at all, but she's here anyway.
This is actually pretty cool. The original PSX game comes on two CD-ROMs, one with Leon's side of the adventure, and one with Claire's side. Each side has two scenarios, aptly named A and B (for your Emmy consideration), and each A scenario corresponds with the B scenario of the other character.
And Vice VersaHow Cool is
THAT? To unlock scenario B for the other character you just need to finish scenario A for the first character and it will all start making sense once you throw your PSX out the window and have some coffee.
The really cool thing is, you can choose to leave stuff behind for the other character or just take everything and have that stupid broad figure everything out for herself, the slut.
But seriously, this game is TOTALLY cool. The scenarios are all varied enough to make you want to play through, there's a ton of cool stuff to unlock, lots of gore thrown in for good measure, pretty good voice acting (for BH standards at least) and actually a decent story as well. This was my favorite BioHazard for a long time, until part 4 showed up, but the 4 scenarios at least mean it has more replay value than its successor. Thing is, BioHazard 4 in itself is probably at least as long as all 4 scenarios of this game put together, but still!
There is no denying that Capcom really went all-out on this one, and they actually really deliver, I LOVE this game, and still hold it in the utmost regard as one of the best Survival Horror games EVER. Unfortunately, it doesn't have that much competition, but even by its own right, this game kicks total ass.
Hey, it beats having your innards eaten out by a Zombie!
Although, on second thought, when I look at one of those women zombies.....
Okay, moving on, the Soundtrack is also my favorite in the series, bar none, and it actually succeeds in creating some melody in the bog-standard creepy suspense drab you get in this kind of game. Pretty good.
Overall, this game scores very high in every category, and you should definitely check this out if you like
anything about games. A 9.5!
And here's some samples, in .zip format:
The Front HallThe Second Misinformation of GovernmentEscape from Laboratory
Final Fantasy 8
Almost there folks! Only 3 more FF games after this one!
So, Final Fantasy VIII (8), let's see what we have here.
After having 6 games where
Yoshitaka "What the Hell is this supposed to be?" Amano did all the artwork, Tetsuya "Everyone looks the same in my world!" Nomura took over for Final Fantasy 7 and gave the game an Anime feel. That was only a phase though, cos ever since Final Fantasy 8 he has gone for a kind of Western Pretty Boy/Cute Girl look with perhaps some slight Asian influences, and basically, you can't tell the difference with any of them.
It's obvious from the get-go, that FF 8 was designed to appeal to a Western-minded audience. It has lots of special effects and flashy stuff, Western-looking main characters and a completely stupid background story. If that doesn't spell Hollywood, I don't know what does.
But fair's fair. The game IS very pretty, even at this day and age, it can still hold its own, the FMV still looks stunning, despite the fact that much more is possible nowadays.
So, a lot has been changed, and whether it's for better or worse, I will refrain from judgement until I reach the end. What's different?:
- No Treasure chests
- No Equipment
- Unorthodox Experience system, where you have to get 1000 points to gain a level, for EVERY level.
- No Magic Points
And that's only a handful of stuff.
But where this game REALLY distinguishes itself from almost every other game in this series, is the story. It's
completely stupid. Most of the time it isn't even there, and when it does rear its ugly mug, it's not interesting and doesn't make ANY sense whatsoever. I guess the plot was used as a very weak coat-rack to suspend the boring Love-story on, that is going on between the antagonist Squall Leonhart, who's a student at a Military Academy, and Rinoa Heartilly, who is extremely beautiful and also
a bunch of dead pixels.The game is literally riddled with insane plottwist after plothole, interspersed with nonsense and a smidgeon of Bullshit on the side.
I'm only 3 hours into the game so far, most of which has been spent playing the Card game
(I love it! I admit it! Somebody please shoot me!), and already I've run into some of the stupidest logic I've ever seen, that the creators simply didn't care to think about, apparently.
You see, after you get back from your Final Practice Exam (which is a big battle at some town, that almost gets you killed, several times. I love Military School!) there's a big ball (I'm talking about a PARTY, you assholes!) after which Quistis Trepe, your Personal Guidance Councelor Teacher Thingy, who is insanely young, and has that whole dominatrix charisma down to PERFECTION, invites you for a 'private conversation' at the "Secret Spot".
Now apparently EVERYBODY knows about this Secret Spot, cos she even points out that everyone is calling it, in fact, the Secret Spot, which kinda ruins the point I think, but that's not what's bothering me.
You see, traditionally, the Secret Spot is a place where couples go to have a nice quiet...'talk'...and get some serious Biology Exam preparations done, so obviously it has to be a really beautiful romantic spot, right? And it is! But consider this Academy Squall is going to; it has the following institutions:
- An Infirmary, not very suitable for making out though.
- A Library, with lots of high shelves and narrow pathways, but not secret enough, apparently.
- A Parking Area.
- A Dining Hall
- A Student Dorm. That's Right. Now I've never been to a Military Academy, but I've seen plenty a University in my time, and NEVER have I seen an educational building that comes with its own Dormitory ATTACHED and INCLUDED. Still, the privacy and comfort of your own room is not enough!
- A Garden. Great places in general for hanging out, but this is NOT where the secret make-out place is, because here we have the last, but certainly not least of the departments:
- The Training Facility. Sounds Ideal? Well, it's this HUGE Rainforest type area, fashioned very similarly to Jurassic Park, and it's
crawling with monsters, INCLUDING Big-ass T-rexes.
Oh yeah, nothing gets me in the mood like a huge Dinosaur breathing down my neck, let me tell you that. And the "Secret Spot" is totally at the
Other Side of the Facility, so before you can get there, there's a whole bunch of monsters you have to ward off! Romantic huh!?
"Hey Squall, wanna go and make out at the Secret Spot?"
"Sure Rinoa, I'll just get my Gunblade and my Summon Monsters ready, and we're good to go!"
Or:
"Well, Rinoa, I'd
like to kiss you, but I've been told they respond to movement, so I'm just gonna sit
very very still here.
Be sure to wear your best clothes!
And, by God, this isn't even the worst and most non-sensical part of the building, but maybe I'll tell you about that later. For now, enjoy this romantic picture:
Holy Meteor, Batman!
YES! Another Final Fantasy bites the dust!
At least they seem to be getting easier with each instalment.
Well, well, well. I've browsed through some dictionaries in my time, but it seems the English language does not have enough superlatives to describe this game.
IT IS ALL THAT, yo! This has to be one of the best games ever created by mankind, it has everything!
Great Story, Drama, Great Gameplay, lots of variation, Humor, lots of secrets and sidequests with great rewards, basically everything that made Final Fantasy 6 so damn good, only with a better story (that's right) and a cast of characters that is easier to deal with for the simple fact that there aren't so damn many characters.
The intuitive Materia system, which allows you to equip skills and magic on your weapons and armor, means that any character can jump in at anytime and still have good abilities, instead of having to build up from scratch.
This was, you never feel totally screwed when a character you have been neglecting is forced into your party.
What is
also has is really really LOUSY Midi. God, it hurts the ears.
A real shame, cos the music itself is awesome, this is really one of Uematsu's best, it's just that it sounds so hideous and glaring at times.
After Final Fantasy 6 which squeezed phenomenal sounds out of the old SuperNES, everyone was more or less expecting great things from the PSX. you know, being a CD-operated console and everything; people had their minds set on Orchestral Soundtracks, but they get the aural equivalent of a root-canal.
Secondly, the localisation is really really HORRIBLE. This game was translated by blind wombats, by the look of it. Blind Wombats,
that don't even know Japanese. Very fortunately I have the (extremely LIMITED) Final Fantasy VII Memorial Album which has the majority of the script in Japanese, and you can really see how incredibly inept and just plain WRONG a lot of the translations are, causing for what may seem a convoluted story, whereas it does in fact make some sense. Some.
Now crappy Midi and lousy Dialogue do not mean you have a bad game, nor does it detract from its perfection, because, logically, music doesn't affect the gameplay, and the stupid translation is not present in the original Japanese version, so how can it suddenly be a worse game then?
There's 3 versions of this game you need to keep in mind though:
1. The Original Japanese version
2. The Western Version
3. The Japanese remake of the Western Version, Final Fantasy 7 International!
Dear god, that last one spurred a whole new fad in Gameland, which is only being kept alive by Square I think. Bastards. Release an imperfect game in Japan, perfect it for the West, and rerelease in Japan! Rinse and Repeat,
ad nauseum.
Anyway, they added a LOT of stuff to the Western version, making it a considerably better and more sensical game, so the Japanese decided they wanted some of that stuff too, and they released the International version, which is not plagued by the inane dialogue of the Western version. So, ultimately, the third version is by far the best and is the main reason I'm giving this game the Perfect Score of 10.
There is a reason this game is what brought world-wide recognition for the FF series, and the reason is that it's Goddamn Brilliant. There is also a reason that this is the one Final Fantasy that Square is trying to squeeze every penny out of, with the upcoming Advent Children movie, and a slew of Spin-off games on multiple platforms, and the reason is that, for once, they did EVERYTHING right in a game.
Except for the Midi.
Speaking of which, I've been thinking of hosting Mp3's since I'm always rambling on about the music, without providing examples, but unfortunately, I can't host audio files here, so I'm just going to Link directly to sites that can. MUHAHAHAHA! Man, I'm going to be in trouble.
Logically I can only do this for games I can find on the Net, but hey, whatever.
So without further ado, my three favorite tracks in the game:
J-E-N-O-V-AYou can hear the Cry of the PlanetPerfect JenovaNext up, FF VIII! I love Roman Numerals!
