The Biggest Game Project on this Planet

Genesis

In the Beginning there was nothing.
NOTHING as far as the eye could see, if there had been any eyes at that time, but there weren't, due to the fact that there was nothing.

Then, slowly and softly, the Capcom Logo appeared across the Nothingness accompanied by a relaxing jingle, with the word "presents" written beneath it in golden letters.

And then The Universe came into existence.

This is the real truth behind the Big Bang theory, although, knowing the nature and shape of the Universe, the Big Wang Theory seems a more appropriate terminology.
This particular theory gave rise (ahaha) to Penistianity and the Holy Scripture known as the By-Ball and it has been accepted as The Grand Truth in enlightened circles across the globe. But that's not important right now.

You see, even with this new-found Universe, there was still practically nothing. Sure there were some stars and some planets, but they were barren and desolate.

And then there was God.

And God created Greeneries, Arboreta, and Weed. I'm sorry, WeedS.
And all was beautiful for millions of years, but God grew tired of speaking to trees and it is at that moment that He spake thus:

"DAMNZ, YO, THIS WHOLE PLACE SUXXZ, THERE AIN'T NOONE HERE AND I'M BORED SHITLESS, LOOKS LIKE THOSE TROLLS UP AT THE COUNCIL OF GODS HAVE GIVEN ME ONE OF THE CRAPPY PLANETS AGAIN. I GOT PWN3D!"

Which showed that God was not only way ahead of His Time, but also suffered extremely low Education.

And the Council of Gods spake unto him thusly:
"ROFLMAO!!!!!! U NOOB!! C YA, BYE!!!!!!!11111"

And God was Angry.

But He would Show Them! He would create something out of this miserable empty, yet beautifully decorated if He said so Himself, planet, and He decided to create Life.
And He took some Sand and some Water, and He Messed about with it until He begat Clay and from this Clay, He fashioned Man. And when I say Man, I mean MAN.
He created this man in His own likeness, because He was extremely vain and had spent all of His imagination on plants already.

And He named this Man Adam, for He could only create a Name of up to 5 letters, and He was a bit Dyslexic.

And all was well, for a while. Adam lived in peace and tranquil harmony in the Holy Garden of Edin, where he feasted upon many-colored fruits and healthy vegetables.
But Adam grew weary of his empty existence. Life was good, but it was also boring, and Adam had noone to speak to, because God was hardly ever home, and never returned his calls, so he filed a complaint in the Idea Box and asked God for a Companion.
Besides, Adam had this weird appendix at the bottom of his romp, that seemed kinda useless, and he wanted to talk to somebody about it.

And God Spake:
"WELL SHIT, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU, BRO, BUT I'M CLEAN OUT OF CLAY, AND I AIN'T MAKING ANY NEW!"

But Adam begged, pleaded and requested, not necessarily in that order, and finally God got fed up and spake:
"OH, ALL RIGHT, YOU TROLL, JESUS CHRIST (hey, I like that name! Gotta remember that)"

But since God was a real Prick sometimes, He decided to teach Adam a lesson, by pulling one of his ribs out and fashioning another image in His exact likeness, only this one didn't have the appendix, but instead sported what looked like a Cartridge Slot.

But Adam cried:
"What the Hell do you think you're doing!? You took one of my ribs! I need those!"

And God felt kinda sorry and wanted to appease Adam. And it was at that point that He had His One Moment of Clarity and He did what is now widely regarded as the Best Move in History of Mankind.

And God Created Titties.

And All was forever Well.

posted by Ingen! @ 11:37 AM