Site Update
Wow, that sounds official!
Sorry to interrupt you while you were undoubtedly enjoying my fantastic review of one of the best games EVAHR, but I thought I'd compensate for the lack of posts lately with yet another update today!
You see, giving in to popular demand (by myself), I have now provided the games in the
Alphabetic List with links to their responding reviews, so that it will be easier for you, my dear dear reader (I accept Paypal) to find the reviews belonging to the games you want to know about, because my opinion is FINAL.
Well, better than IGN anyways.
Now, get your greedy click-fingers over there and have fun!
Backlog: Chrono Trigger
Oopsie. No updates for awhile, eh?
Well, if it helps, I've been busy GAMING. A LOT.
So expect the results sometime soon. Thing is, Every time I start a new game, I think, oh I'll just finish this one quickly and move on, only to find out that some games can be very very LONG.
Right now, I'm playing Ogon no Taiyo (Golden Sun) and Ogre Battle 64, where each battle takes about 45 minutes. Seriously. And besides that I'm doing Conker's Bad Fur Day as a Bortlog, but what a frigging HILARIOUS game that is! I'm loving every minute of it! And that's saying something, cos this game was made by Rare, which means it can be REALLY annoying.
So, anyhow, since I don't have anything interesting to say about my daily life (almost graduated though!) time for another Backlog!
And, WOW, do I have a doozy for ya today!
Chrono Trigger's the name, Time Travel's the game.
Geez, do I even need to begin to explain? EVERYONE knows Chrono Trigger, unless they've had their heads stuck up their Arse for the past 10 years (Yes, it's been 10 years already!) and with the exception of some really stupid people, EVERYONE loves it too.
But I'll give a small intro for people who were still embryo's at that time.
In Chrono Trigger, you take the role of Chrono, a strappy young whipper-snapper with fiery spiky red hair. It is the year 1000 and the Millennial Fair is being held, so time to Par-TAY!
And that is already the first point that I like about this game, in the beginning, there is NOTHING to worry about. You're not immediately thrown into the midst of things, there's no big spectacular opening with lots of special effects.
Just Chrono being awoken by his mom, and going to a fair! No pressure, no danger, no insane people trying to take over the universe, it was a breath of fresh air at the time.
But man, once the story gets rolling, you will find out that the planet is in grave danger, and only Time Travel will allow you to put a stop to the terrible fate that awaits mankind. And again, there's no
real badguy in here, just some being threatening to destroy life, more a parasite than an evil monster with malicious intent (very thin line there, I'll admit). Great stuff.
Throughout your many courses through time, you will get to see the Middle Ages, Prehistoria, as well as the obligatory floating continent complete with ancient-yet-far-more-evolved human race. Every time frame has a character that will join your party and most of them have incredibly imaginative names, like a dude changed into a frog, called Frog. And a robot called Robo. Man, I love Square.
The beauty is though, that what they lack in sensible names, they more than make up for with personality and unique characteristics in battle. That is to say, they all have their own special skills that none of the others have, offering more strategy to putting together your party. It's not like most Final Fantasies, where every character is the same as the next, only with a different weapon.
And here comes the most brilliant part, because every character has his/her own specific set of skills, these can also be COMBINED with other characters to create so-called Double and Triple Techs, where two or three characters work together to create one massive attack.
Add to that the fact that there are no random battles in here, and perhaps you will understand how unique this game was back in the day. All people knew was Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest and this game changed all that. The Combo System is something that sadly never been copied by other games, at least, not to very great extent, since it offers so much personality to battles. Grandia Xtreme did it effectively as well, and there are sure to be some others, but even the official sequel to Chrono Trigger, Chrono Cross, had only a very small amount of Combo's, even though it featured 45 (!) characters.
As if such a totally original concept of story and gameplay wasn't enough, Square added marvellous graphics, and a classic soundtrack by Yasunori Mitsuda, which has immortalised itself.
The Playstation version of this game adds some nice Anime Cutscenes, accompanied by arranged versions of familiar themes, and it offers a nice overview of all the available endings, a whopping 12 or so. The only downside to the PSX version is that, like with the remakes of FF4, 5 and 6, there are unforgivable loading times (this is a goddamn 4MB SNES game on a 650 MB PSX disc, for Christ's Sake) and the music has been mangled by lousy emulation.
Also, in this case I would very much advise to play the English version, because this is one of those rare cases where the translated version is FAR better than the original Japanese one. The immortal Ted Woolsey has done a great job at adding a nice sense of humor to what was originally a rather serious RPG, in dire need of some comic relief.
So what do we have?
Great graphics? Check.
Great Soundtrack? Check.
Great Gameplay? Check.
Multiple Endings? Check.
Lengthy Adventure? Check.
Man, what is NOT to love about this game? I certainly can't think of anything, and if you can, you need to shut up and die lonely in a corner somewhere, with noone to love or mourn you. Sad, sad person (you know who you are!).
This is a Timeless (hoho) classic that has firmly carved itself into the History of Video Gaming as one of the Greatest Experiences of all time, as well as still being one of the most desired for a real remake.
It rocked the gaming world back in 1995 and it is now a pillar of solid gaming that present day RPG's are founded on, and can only ever hope to live up to. I do not see how this game can receive anything lower than a 10, since there are no alternative scores on the Chrono Trigger scale. Pure Genious and Perfection.
If you haven't played this, you haven't lived.
Nightmare Creatures
Man, this is really insane.
I've already reached and completed the letter N, and I'm still not even halfway through my collection! I haven't even reached 100 yet, although that's coming
very close. I'd say 58 games starting with S are partially to blame.
Anyway, Nightmare Creatures then.
You know, I kinda pride myself on having a good taste. In other words, I'm basically right about everything people don't agree with, and if you don't agree, I'm right. QED.
I also make sure that I generally know what I'm buying before I buy it. I make sure I love the genre, the series, or that enough reliable (= not IGN) sources say it's good before I buy a game, and I'm generally not dissapointed. This helps account for the fact that I tend to rate my games rather high, on average, for the very simple fact that I make sure I'm buying a good game beforehand.
Of course there are occasional hiccups, but those only help enforce the fact that I'm always right about everything.
So one day, not even so very long ago, I think it was last year or something, I bought Nightmare Creatures and to this day I have not the slightest idea what possessed me to do that.
I had played a demo a long LONG time ago, and it left a favorable impression, mostly because the music was pretty nice and the opening level was entertaining.
God, was I ever wrong. That is, the music IS nice, there's some good ambient creepy music throughout the game, and boss battles are accompanied by decently appropriate Gothic-ish Rock, but the game is something that must have been spawned from the depths of Hell it aspires to portray.
What starts out with indeed a decently interesting opening level soon ends in nothing but repetitiveness, boring levels, crappy controls, migraines and suicidal tendencies.
Enemy design is awful, graphics are crappy, levels are too long (they ARE pretty big actually) without any point to them, and, geez, the game just SUCKS alright?
You play as either Nadia or Ignatius, and you are constantly trying to catch Adam Crowley, mad scientist, who's created some kind of magic potion and why are you reading this anyway? In any case, cue streets of 19th centure Britain full of roaming monster, with Zombies, Werewolves, Vampire Bats and God knows what.
Actually the setting is pretty nice, although there's nothing that makes it look like Britain except for the fact that there are some familiar place names.
It's about as scary as a bunch of fluffy kittens. With
ribbons.
You get one button for jumping, one for using your weapon, one for kicking and one for calling the nurse when you've had enough. Oh, and guess what, if you miss a jump and fall into water or anything, YOU DIE INSTANTLY. Great!
You get an amount of lives though, so you can retry from where you fell in, but Christ, the controls are so shoddy that you'll just plummet in no matter what you do anyway.
My main mission for this post is to tell you to NOT play this game, and steer well clear of it. It Sucks Big Hairy Wolfballs. Even at its best its still immensely boring. It reminded me of putting a cactus down my pants and having a professional soccer player kick me in the Nads, although I don't quite remember when I did that.
It only further convinced me of the fact that American video games are complete and utter rubbish, it's just that some of them have nice music.
Anyway, screw this lot, I give it a nice round 3. It makes me want to vomit for all the wrong reasons. Oh, and I DID actually finish it, but only by cheating. Heheh.
And the ending is not worth the bother either, so if you ever see this in your local store, report it to the police and sleep with its girlfriend.
Junk.
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
SSSSSSSHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeet. This is one HUGE game. It seemed like it was going on FOREVER.
Metroid Prime 2, then, the second outing of Samus Aran on Gamecube. This time the armored lady has the unenviable task of finding out what happened to a squadron of the Galactic Peace Force or whatever, who got mysteriously wiped out after landing on planet Aether. Soon you will find out that all is not well, and that Planet Aether has a dark side to it (literally!) which is teeming with evil beings staying up late, making obscene noises, talking really loudly on the phone, and generally making a nuisance of themselves.
Like the prequel, the game is presented in first person perspective, although it changes to third person whenever Samus goes into Morph Ball Mode (man, I wish
I had a girlfriend who could roll up into a ball. She could sleep with the dog!).
Many people claim it's not
really an FPS though, at least, not in the traditional sense, and it is true that this game has a lot more on offer than simple shooting. Metroid games have always been very exploration-oriented, and true enough, finding power-ups and keys and stuff is definitely the major chunk of gameplay for this game.
FPS-fans looking for a mindless blast-fest need not apply, nor do fans of 'clever' FPS's like Perfect Dark or Goldeneye etc. Gameplay stays very close to the original games, only in first person now, but the emphasis is definitely on exploring and puzzle-solving. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that this is probably one of the best, if not THE best, series to be translated from 2D into 3D.
Well, there's not much to say here actually. I generally feel that the most fun and easy to write reviews for me are for games that have one or several things severely wrong with it. Bitching is fun, but it's not so interesting to keep talking about how damn good some game is. In that case I just say: Go out and get it yourself, and experience it first-hand. And that is indeed something I will say for Metroid Prime 2. Do yourself a favor, and get this game. It's SO much worth your money.
A HUGE gaming world, with loads of stuff to discover. In the end I clocked in at ca. 27 hours (the in-game clock was way off though), which makes it the length of a very decent RPG.
If there's anything wrong with it, it's that perhaps the game goes on for a little
too long. It's largely dependent on yourself, and how eager you are to backtrack and revisit rooms with your newfound skills to find yet another Missile Expansion, but the game rewards your progress by unlocking very pretty artwork and the like, so it's very much worth it.
After restoring Energy to the 3 Main Temples on Aether, which is the main goal of the game, you are however presented with the unnecessary task of gathering 9 secret keys, INVISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE, in order to advance. You can only see these keys with a special visor, so you have to go back to old rooms and see if you can find them, although you do get pretty clear hints about where they are. It did feel like a cheap way of adding another couple of hours to the game to me though.
Also, some enemies can be REALLY annoying, but geez, where would the challenge be if they were all push-overs, right? Which brings me to the fact that the last bunch of Boss Battles are very nasty too. If you keep trying they'll become easier soon enough, but even after I thought I had beaten the final boss (In a 3 round match), there was still yet another Boss whom I had to beat under a rather relentless Time Limit. I was not happy then. Also, if you've played any Metroid games before, you should know that the ending is totally NOT worth the bother. You should play this game for the fantastically fun and satisfying game that it is, and if the above bothers you, just play until you get to the bit where you have to gather those last 9 keys. You won't really miss anything by quitting at that point anyway. Just some damn annoying bosses and a boring ending. But what precedes it is really great fun!
The game has a Light/Dark world system rather similar to Link to the Past, only not nearyl as good. Going back and forth can only be done at specific warp points, and when you are in the Dark world, your energy will deplete all the time, unless you're at a safe spot, where your energy will restore. Soon you will get armor to reduce that damage, but the only armor that can completely resist it will not be acquired until that very point where you have to find those 9 elusive keys.
This is apparently one of the biggest spots of bother for the people who played this, although it didn't really upset me. There's always plenty of restoration opportunities, and chances of actually dying because of the Dark Powers are almost zero. I
willsay that the game could've used a little bit more save points though.
In any case, this game is terribly impressive on practically all fronts, and any self-respecting fan of platforming, shooting, exploring and/or just damn good games should definitely give this a try. NOW.
A nice 9.2 for this one.
On a totally different note: Do you know why Ocarina of Time is so goddamn cool and one of the best games of all time?
Because people are still discovering all kinds of new shit in thereBizarre!
Chocobo no Fushigi na Dungeon
God-Fucking-Damn, is there NO END to Metroid Prime 2!?
The game just goes on and on and on, and ON. 22 hours, and still not done.
I just got the Screw Attack, and it's just as nasty as it sounds. I've lovingly started calling it the Screw You Attack, because I'm very funny, and because the controls are.....less than satisfactory. The Screw Attack is also used for the infamous Wall Jump, and the Metroid series has etched itself into my consciousness as being completely incapable of getting a Wall Jump to work properly.
GOD how frustrating those controls are. And IMPOSSIBLE timing is required.
Take a good look at Capcom's Megaman X series to see how wall jumping SHOULD be done.
But I digress, it's not Metroid Prime Review Time yet.
So to while away the time, here's another Backlog!
Chocobo no Fushigi na Dungeon, or in English, Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon.
A small Dungeon-crawling RPG released on PSX, where you take control over a Chocobo, one of the most persistent mascottes of the Final Fantasy series.
Honestly, I have no idea if there was a story behind this game, nor does it matter. I think there was something with Mogs disappearing into the dungeon and you have to get them out or whatever, I don't really care.
You start out with access to only one 30-floor dungeon, and you have to get to the very bottom of it to fight a boss, and then basically the game is over. You get an ending sequence and some credits, but then the game actually continues, with a second, much deeper 60-floor dungeon, with another boss at the end, and yet another movie and more credits. THEN there's the third and final dungeon, but I think there's no actual real end to that, from what I've read on gamefaqs anwyay, so I can safely say I've finished the game, since I saw the credits.
The point of the dungeons is that they're all randomly generated. This means that no matter how many times you go inside, every floor will always look different.
This ALSO means, which is inherent to this kind of system, that dungeons are completely boring and eventless. That is, you get some scripted events at certain levels, where you learn about a new game system, but there are no puzzles or anything, just floor after floor of gathering items and killing enemies.
You get to save your game every time you go to the next floor, which is very nice, but if you die, you lose ALL your items, 5 points get taken off your Max HP, and you have to restart at the beginning of the dungeon again. THAT IS NOT NICE.
If dungeon crawling is your thing, then this can be amusing. In fact, even though a large amount of Brain Cells was telling me this game sucked and was a waste of my time, there was another group of more impressionable cells telling me to just have another go because it is kinda fun somewhere.
It can be addictive, since you there's always lots of stuff to find on every floor. New equipment, Spell Books, Summon Stones, Potions etc. It's just that for every cool element, there's something to annoy you.
For instance, you don't know the effect of a potion until you drink it, at which point it will be too late. Once you drink a certain potion though, you will learn what that kind of potion looks like for future reference.
Equipment is also unclear until you put it on, and more often than not, it will be CURSED, meaning you can't take it off anymore, until you leave the dungeon and get yourself healed.
Another point of interest is that the boss fights at the end of each dungeon take INSANELY long. These guys have more HP than a certain computer accessory company and they take a long long time to go down. It is imperative that you keep a hold of Summon Stones, since those will do most damage, which offers another problem: Limited Inventory. You can only carry a rather small amount of items at one time, meaning you have to throw things away regularly, or you have to leave the dungeon (again) to store them somewhere.
So let's get straight to the point here. This game is a lot of hassle for something that doesn't have that much to do. There's more annoying things in here than I care for, and
yet, and YET, I found myself strangely addicted, wanting to go further and further, find new items, beat new enemies etc.
I guess it all depends on your patience. This game is certainly not for everyone, I'd even say it's only enjoyable for a select group of people.
I shall give it a 7, because it CAN be fun, but I wouldn't easily recommend this to anyone.
By the way, I'm also happy to tell you that my free-pics-nude-celeb-asian-ass-cum post of a while back is STILL getting me several new hits per day. Ahahaha! Bitches!
Mickey's Magical Quest
A MAN's game, full of swearing and full frontal nudity.
Of course, this is not-so-common slang for "full of cuteness and bright graphics"
Metroid Prime 2 is taking me a LOT longer than I was expecting, so I figured I'd just buy myself some extra time by moving on for a short moment and finish this very short game in about an hour or so.
Back in the day, when Video Games were still made by real Video Game companies, and not by any old company that cares to jump on the bandwagon. Nobody cared about who did what, since there was no real money in it anyway, so everyone was happy.
Then, however, came the big bucks, Gaming became massively popular across the globe, and licenses became increasingly expensive, meaning that making a nice Disney-related game was too costly to still be unadulterated fun. Only Square-Enix has the money to work with those characters now it seems, and we have the Kingdom Hearts series as a thankful result.
Before all that however, it was almost customary for good old Capcom to handle all the Disney-related games. They released a whole SLEW of Disney games on NES, and another slew on SNES, and this, Mickey's Magical Quest was one of the more popular ones. It was rereleased on GBA a couple of years ago, along with its sequels, as a testament to how popular these games were. I think the only one to gain more critical acclaim was Capcom's Aladdin, which was ALSO rereleased on GBA.
And hell, I think I can safely say that, with the exception of the Kingdom Hearts series, Disney games used to be a lot more fun then than they are now. Same goes for the movies by the way.
The fact that Capcom is behind this means that you get colorful graphics, decent animation, an enjoyable soundtrack and just a fun game overall. Nothing to blow your socks off or anything, but more than enjoyable for any Platform Game fan out there.
It's not very interesting perhaps by modern days' standards, so the GBA version would get a slightly lower score, but back in the day this was a nice title to while away the time.
You play as Mickey Mouse, who, on a dark, but happy day goes outside to play Catch with his pals Donald and Goofy, whilst, presumably, smoking pot and shooting negro's. YEEHAW!
An unfortunately sissy throw by Goofy sends Pluto off a cliff or whatever, and it is up to Mickey to find his canine buddy back, and perhaps score some hoes on the side.
This is about the extent of the story, not including the FANTASTICALLY AWESOME ending where it turns out it was all a dream (oh, er, SPOILER!!!! Yes). And I'm sorry to say, I'm not even joking here. Best. Plottwist. Ever.
But crappy story aside, the game is just fun. You start out as Mickey in his regular, slightly exhibitionist outfit, and you can dispatch foes by jumping on their head, or grabbing blocks and throw those at them. Stunned enemies can also be used as weapons, so the realism factor has been accounted for as well.
Soon though, Mickey will earn other costumes, a Magician, who shoots magic light and can breathe underwater, a Firefighter, who can extinguish fire and use his mighty water spout to move stone blocks, and a Mountaineer, who can use his grappling hook to climb onto ledges and swing and whatnot.
Every "job", if you will, has its own merits and weaknesses, and they're actually pretty well balanced, believe it or not. There's six levels to plow through, with 4 rather short stages, and then it's over, so there's no real longevity here.
There are some hidden areas with extra coins and items to find or buy, but everything stays really simple.
The game has enough fun and appeal to just entertain until the untimely end, and then you'll probably never look at it again, unless you're a DIE HARD and want to try the Hard difficulty. What's there is fun though, and platform fans are likely to enjoy this. No frills, just a cutesy platformer with Capcom's solid experience behind it. A nice round 8.0 seems appropriate, but measured by the standards of that time of course. The GBA rerelease would score considerably lower.
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
Being the sequel (hence the 2!) to Metal Gear Solid 1.
I don't really know how to start this review properly, since, well, this is Metal Gear Solid, bloody EVERYONE knows Metal Gear Solid, I don't think I need to explain anything at all.
The game takes place two years after the events in the first game.
Well, see, this is where I'm going wrong already, cos it's not entirely true.
When you start the game, you are asked if you have played Metal Gear Solid 1.
If you say yes, you'll start the Tanker Mission with Solid Snake, two years after MGS1, if you say No, you'll immediately move on to the main story with Raiden at the Plant, which happens another two years after the Tanker incident.
This means that if you haven't played the first game, you'll miss out on a very important introductory story, as well as about 2 hours of gameplay. But if you haven't played MGS1, you have no real business playing this game anyway, since it ties into the first game rather intensively, so you won't be able to understand most of it anyway. Not for newbies this one.
What you get is basically pretty much the same game as the prequel (on purpose, but I won't spoil too much), only with a different main character, in a different setting. The dark Weapon Depot environments and Cold Alaskan Snowfields are gone, and instead you get a sea-based Power Plant of sorts, with lots of shiny weather and beautiful sunsets. I for one VASTLY prefer this setting over the original. It offers more variety, has more atmosphere and is generally better designed, as well as less cramped, which means more space to move, more maneuverability and just more fun.
So in essence, you are getting what you get so many years before, only a lot prettier, there still are the same kind of boss battles and the same kind of gameplay elements, only you get a bigger variety of means to elude the many guards, and more weapons. It's not much of a shocker gameplay wise, the real value lies in the story and the presentation, as usual.
And the story, man........it's
something. To be more exact, it's completely friggin'
INSANE, that's what it is. It starts out straight-forward enough, your typical Metal Gear Solid type of affair, but as you progress more and more weird stuff starts happening, and of course, this wouldn't be a Hideo Kojima game, if it didn't have some major plottwists thrown in here and there, and Mr. Kojima really went all out on this one.
By the end of the game, your eyes will be spinning in their sockets, the story will go fucking
NUTS. I mean certifiedly BONKERS. Metal Gear Solid 2 has been criticized by many people for the turn of events towards the end, and it's definitely not easily acceptable for everyone, but I LOVED it. I like the odd over-the-top story every now and then, and it doesn't get much weirder than this game, I think. I'm still not sure whether I actually understood the story in its entirety, there's more twists in here than a Chubby Checker song, but man, is it totally hilarious. And you can't deny, whether you like it or not, that's it's totally original and very ingenious, and also completely off the motherfucking charts. It'll make even Al Gore go crazy probably.
I would recommend this game to anyone who values presentation and intense story-telling. The cutscenes are directed phenomenally, as usual, and the game itself is more than enough fun to warrant at least one playthrough. I'm not saying this is one of the best games you'll ever play, but like with Konami's other major franchise, the Silent Hill series, it's the combination of Solid (I'm going to drive this pun into the ground!) gameplay, brilliant presentation and deep story that makes it such a wonderfully enjoyable package as a whole.
Some words of caution though: like MGS1, this game will get
very preachy sometimes, especially during the ending. Not content with "just another" story about nuclear warfare, Mr. Kojima always thinks he needs to spread the message of love, understanding and tolerance at the end, and although the packaging of the message is always very professional, it does make you cringe here and there, like when you're watching one of those American sitcoms that have the potential to be funny, but are molested by the creator's wish to put a message or some drama into the bargain.
American comedy writers need to understand that comedy is about laughing, not crying. I don't need anyone's problems, that's not why I'm watching comedy, is it?
But that's another story entirely.
And secondly, and most importantly of all, probably THE major factor that has made a lot of people badmouth this game, there is Rose. Yes, Rose. What's in a name, I hear you say? "A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet"? Well, this one smells like someone shat in a pile of puke, and then poured it over a skunk. A particularly
smelly skunk.
Perhaps I need to applaud Konami for giving such an accurate portrayal of what is to me the opposite sex, and of what I deeply suspect is a sex that was made for the sole purpose OF opposing. Any man who has ever been in any kind of relationship with a female of ANY species, knows that the combination of two X chromosomes leads to chronic nagging and complaining, as well as an almost supernatural ability to find fault in ANYTHING the Blessed Y Chromosome does.
Rose is perfect simulation of the female genes. She is as annoying as a whole bunch of mosquitoes on a hot summer's night, swarming around your ears, telling you about the latest Yu-Gi-Oh cards they collected, and showing you slides of their spring vacation to the Mediterranean. She has a relationship with Raiden aka Jack (Jack and Rose, get it? It's a movie reference! Yay!), and she sees it as her duty to plague him with all kinds of relational problems, while his ass is on the line.
Firstly, she CONSTANTLY keeps asking him what day tomorrow is. I'm sure this strikes a VERY familiar chord with just about any man. Not Raiden though, oh no, the poor sod. She'll also start complaining about how Raiden never stays with her after the deed, but always goes home, or sleeps on the couch or something. Can you imagine this situation?
Rose: "Tell me, Jack, would you still love me if I were fat/crippled/blind/deaf/dumb/a Sony Executive?"
Jack: "Uhh, I'm kinda in the middle of a gunfight here...."
Rose: "EXCUSES! YOU DON'T LOVE ME!"
Or even worse, this particular dialogue actually occurs in the game (in a slightly different version), the last bit is what I was shouting myself though:
Rose: "Jack, we're fighting here too you know!"
Jack: "Well, looking at a live TV screen from a comfortable room is not
exactly the same as having to maneuver your ass through a rain of bullets..."
Rose: "So you're saying I should pick up a gun and join you there!?"
Me: "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!"
FUCK, this is really SO examplary of female reasoning that I shouted out in many years of cropped up frustration at being in a relationship with any kind of woman.
I'm telling you, they have some kind of DNA string for this kind of shit, no man could possible think like this, and read some kind of personally negative message behind EVERYTHING the other person says. Well done, Mr. Kojima, please never do that again. I play video games for escapism, the last thing I want is to be confronted with nagging women in my games as well.
Still, here's to Realism, eh?
So when all has been said and done, we are left with a fantastic experience, which I would recommend to just about anyone. As I said, the plottwists might be a little too much for some people's taste, and it's not really very accessible, storywise, for newcomers, but there is a good solid game behind all the dialogue, that's fun for almost everyone, so I'll give this a 9+.
Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes
So I own both the original Metal Gear Solid as well as this Gamecube Remake, and I figured, I'll be damned if I'm gonna play them both, so I just took this one, since I hadn't played it yet. So keep in mind that this is a review, not of Metal Gear Solid, but of the Gamecube REMAKE, which goes towards partially explaining why the score is rather low.
And let me get right down to it, this is easily one of the most disappointing remakes I've ever played. This could've been brilliant, but instead it just lingers around as a half-assed attempt at recreating one of the finest PSX games ever.
First of all, let's look at the graphics. I want to point out immediately here, that this game was released in march 2004, roughly two and a half years after Metal Gear Solid 2 on PS2, and only a half year before the magnificent Metal Gear Solid 3.
This means that logically, the game should sport graphics of a quality somewhere between MGS2 and 3, but closer to three. Instead, what you get is something that looks decidedly LESS good than MGS2. I've already started playing MGS2, cos it's the next game in line, and I was amazed at the HUGE difference in graphical quality, MGS2 looks SO MUCH better. And I'm not even gonna mention MGS3, it puts just about any game to shame.
Character models have a rather low polygon count, and they don't look very good in the first place. Environments are straight ports, only more solid (pun intended) 3D, but nothing to write home about. I was thoroughly unimpressed by this game's graphics. Sure, it's a big leap forward from the PSX original, but Christ, by all means it could and should have looked MUCH better. Also, there are occasional frame rate problems, nothing major, but it's there, whereas MGS2 ran at a constant 60fpm if I'm not mistaken.
Cutscenes have been redirected by Ryuhei Kitamura, of Aragami and Azumi fame, and what this basically means is that you get Metal Gear Solid + Matrix. Loads of those typical Matrix style effects and fight-scenes, bullet-time all over the place, you get the drift. It's nice to look at, even though it's been done a gazillion times before, but I'm kinda weary of these effects now, and it seems like the "easy thing to do" to me.
Music has also been spruced up a notch, but since I thought the original MGS had a rather boring lacklustre soundtrack anyways, I don't really care. Both sequels are FAR better in my humble opinion, especially Snake Eater.
But the one reason people look forward to remakes of their most beloved games is of course this: Additional Shit. Extra Crap.
Bonus Faeces.
And marvel at the glory of Twin Snakes for it offers you: practically nothing.
Seriously, one of the coolest additions of the orginal was the VR Mission Mode, where you could practice and hone your skills by performing tasks and small missions in a Virtual Environment. Well, for the Gamecube version the VR missions are completely GONE, nothing here. A crying shame, since the PSX version already HAD a rerelease, Metal Gear Solid Integral (known outside of Japan as MGS VR Missions, or MGS Special Missions), which came with a separate VR mission Disc with approximately 300 (!) missions. But Konami (or perhaps Silicon Knights, the people behind Eternal Darkness, who are responsible for this remake) sends a hearty "Fuck You" to Gamecube owners and gives them ZERO missions, but in exchange gives us the stupidly pointless Dog Tag collecting that plagued Metal Gear Solid 2.
The main point of MGS2 is sneaking around the place, without being noticed by guards.
But if you want to gather Dog Tags, you have to look them up or lure them to you, threaten them with your gun so that they drop their dog tag, and then, well, you usually have to shoot them, unless you want them to alert the entire area.
This means the entire integrity of the game is destroyed, since you're suddenly going from stealth to pure killing, only for the sake of collecting some stupid items that don't help you in any way anyway. Hey, I like that sentence.
Oh, and you don't get any nice photo shoots with Mei Ling either. DAMMIT!
What also bothered me is how fucking DARK this game is, Christ, it's practically invisible if you play in day time, and the game even has a Brightness function, where you can check if your TV is set right. Mine was fine, but it was too frigging dark most of the time anyway. None of the other MGS's have this problem.
The voices have remained the same, although I think they have been rerecorded entirely. Same actors, same lines, just rerecorded. Some actors sound kinda different, Mei Ling has lost her cute accent, and Nastasha had a heavier accent in the original as well I think, but the others are the same.
Campbell and Otacon do a great job, especially Otacon's voice is WAY superior to the Japanese voice actor, who actually makes him sound like a tough man. On the other hand, and I have to be firm on this one, even though most people do not agree with me: Otsuka "overexposure" Akio, the Japanese voice of Solid Snake, is SO FUCKING MUCH BETTER than David "Hot Potato up my Ass" Hayter. God how that David annoys me.
Shit, he makes EVERYTHING sound like it's the worst and most serious thing to ever happen in the whole history of mankind, and he perpetually sounds like he's having some kind of Hyperventilation or Astma attack. The point behind Snake is that, although he's serious at his job, he has a very silly sense of humor as well (which is pretty much the point of the entire game series), and Mr. Otsuka is
perfect at getting both points across. David is just NO good in the humor department, and he actually managed to make me hate Snake with his annoying voice and attitude.
Also, try getting voice actors with less recognizable voices. There is a major plottwist in the game, where a certain character turns out to be a certain
other character in disguise, which, when it was revealed, made me go "Well,
DUH. No fucking shit, Einstein, they only sound EXACTLY the same."
In fact, the guy has SUCH a recognisable voice, that I remember thinking, the first time I played this game:
"Hey! That's Leonardo from the Turtles!"Well, the game contains LOADS of other, less predictable plottwists, so don't worry. Actually the story is pretty damn good. The trademark Metal Gear kind of story, involving nuclear warfare based largely on facts, and completely nutty plottwists and characters based on Hideo Kojima's insanity.
The only real thing that bothered me about this game, and that was the same for the PSX original, is that there's a bit too much backtracking. Occasionally you will have to go back to some area you already visited, to pick up a weapon you couldn't get before, and most notably, at some point you have to use a keycard which you have to cool down and warm up and walk back and forth between the computer terminal several times which is REALLY annoying. From what I understand, this is something that plagued the original Metal Gear games as well, but it seems that recently they have learned their lesson.
That said, the PSX version would have gained a considerably higher score, but this Gamecube remake is just a totally uninspired affair. It's only for Die Hard Nintendo fans, who've never owned any other consoles, and are now able to get their hands on one of the Playstation's finest, and perhaps it's also for the extremely Die Hard Metal Gear fans, who are just content in seeing their favorite game with moderately improved graphics, but as a remake it's incredibly disappointing.
I can't help but compare this with the Gamecube Remake of another PSX smash-hit: Resident Evil. Resident Evil ALSO got a rerelease on PSX before this one, but the Gamecube remake is so much better. Not only do you get Eyepoppingly gorgeous graphics, but you get a revised game, with different object placement, PLUS a whole bunch of new areas added, new gameplay elements, an improved soundtrack AND a free Memory Card! Infinite Yay!
Capcom's fantastically executed project puts this half-assed attempt by Konami to complete and utter shame, not making use of the Gamecube's technical capabilities AT ALL and basically being a totally pathetic attempt at making some more money of an old game.
That said, the game itself is in essence still great. Nothing about the actual content has been changed, so that means you still have the same great game that made PSX's fly off the shelves some 7 years ago. I would strongly advise anyone interested in this game to go for the Integral version on PSX instead, since it's your best money's worth. This is really only for Nintendo fans too stubborn to get a Playstation, and for Die Hard fans of the original who are horny for some slightly improved graphics. As a game, it's great, as a remake, it's rather sad.
An 8.0, and that's me being nice.
Megaman X: Command Mission
Okay okay, this is REALLY the last game in the Megaman X series, I swear!
Megaman X Command Mission then, is a turn-based RPG, set in the Megaman X Universe, so that means lots of recognisable characters in a generic RPG environment with items, and equipment and bosses. There, done.
Goodbye!
Well, no actually, there's more to it, and it's mostly bad I'm afraid.
Let's start with the good:
In keeping with the original style of the MMX games, and with it's 3D PS2 outings, the game is entirely cell-shaded to create a cartoony feel. There are a lot of familiar enemies in here from previous X games, and they all look like very faithfull 3D renditions of their 2D counterparts, very nice.
Bad:
Environments are kinda boring though. Dungeons are a pretty straightforward affair, there are some occasional gimmicks and puzzle-ish things to do, but nothing really special. Enemy Encount rate is all over the place, ranging from "I can't even take one fucking step" to "HEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOO!? -OOOOO -OOO -OO -o......?" *tumbleweed*
The real trouble are the bosses though, they can be really hard. In a very very CHEAP way. In essence they're pretty easy, but most of them are SO fast and SO powerful that you'll just be totally frustrated trying to deal with the massive onslaught, having to heal every two turns and not getting enough of a chance to attack.
Levelling up is pretty useless too, it doesn't go that fast in the first place, and it doesn't really make much of a difference. Most of your success lies in equiping the right weapons or Force Metal (Force Metal gives you extended status and abilities, kinda like accessories in the Final Fantasy series), and in the use of your character's Hyper Modes.
During Hyper Mode your character becomes a lot stronger on all accounts, gets more powerful moves etc. but it can only be used for a couple of turns.
There really is not very much challenge here, just frustration at how unfairly fast and strong some of the bosses are.
Good:
LOADS of stuff to collect. First of all, you get a Sky Room that contains a jukebox, a video player, a figure collection and a sketch collection amongst other things.
The Jukebox plays music from the game, the VCR plays cutscenes, the figure collection is just that, and the sketch collection is a whole SLEW of artwork and sketches by the designers of the game.
Now I am a HUGE fan of the Megaman X series artwork, so this was definitely worth the while for me, and it certainly doesn't disappoint, but I don't know if more casual gamers would want to bother with this.
Figures can be obtained by finding Figure Tokens in dungeons, and by connecting your GBA to your Gamecube you can also find Treasure Tokens to buy even more special figures.
Sketches, music and the like can be unlocked by deploying worker droids to the areas you've visited, and having them search items for you, this will also bring you handy weaponry, hidden keys to access secret areas and loads of other stuff.
So like I said, plenty of stuff on the side to keep yourself busy with, IF you're into collecting, cos there are no actual real subquests or subevents or such.
Bad:
Voice Acting is atrociously godawful. TURN IT OFF. One Problem: You can't.
A lot of battle-cries are so painfully bad they don't even make sense unless you know Japanese and can pretty much figure it was probably translated directly into non-sensical English.
Music is very forgettable as well, dull, uninspired techno-ish elevator ditties, a disgrace to the series which has always had extremely high Musical Standards.
Well, most of the time anyway.
Also, there's a plottwist at the end that is so completely predictable that you want to kick everyone in the face for not putting two and two together. Fuck it, there's this mysterious guy called Spider, who comes and goes as he pleases, and then there's this Colonel Redips (REDIPS! The name alone is stupid enough to make you wonder, and it takes about 1 second to figure out) who only transmits his messages when Spider's not around. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Spoiler? Only for idiots.
If you think this is a spoiler, you DESERVE to have it spoiled.
The battle system is decent. At the bottom right of the screen you get a graph indicating the order of turns for the next couple of attacks, as has become pretty much standard in a lot of RPG's since Final Fantasy X, and you can use the A, X or Y button (Gamecube only!) to attack. The X and Y functions consume Weapon Energy, the A function is your standard attack. Accumulate enough WE, and you can pull of an Action Trigger Command to do big damage. It works and there's some strategy to the battles, especially for bosses, but it's not very exhilirating or anything.
And that's pretty much the gist of the game. It's decent but never really interesting. And considering the fact that it gets REALLY annoying towards the end, with too many bossfights and too much frustration, I can't help but wonder who would enjoy this. I certainly won't recommend it to RPG fans. Nothing to see here folks, move on!
The only value here is for Die Hard Megaman X fans, like myself, and you have to be a REAL Die Hard, cos I don't see anyone else bothering to the end. As I said, the collection element was enjoyable, the artwork was fantastic, as usual, but the game itself is 'meh' at best. Only real fans need apply.
If you want to see Megaman in a GOOD RPG environment, stick to the Battle Network Series on GBA, and ignore this like the skanky crack-ho heroin slut that it is.
To indicate my contempt for this game, I shall give it a 7-.
Yes. That seems bad enough.
Backlog: Castlevania Symphony of the Night
Time for another Backlog! Yay!
And quite the backlog it is!
This is Symphony of the Night! And if you've never heard of this game, you've never played it! For more intelligent insights and obviosities (it's a word!) read on, my dear reader, read on.
Symphony of the Night then, sometimes also lovingly called SotN, or FUCKITIWASJUMPING! was the first game in the so called Metroidvania games, named after the Metroid style of gameplay that was introduced into the Castlevania series, as a breath of fresh, albeit stolen, air. But hey, stolen air rules! You know what they say: Better stolen air, than your own vacuum!
Well, I said that once. In fact, I did just now.
The first time was also very much the best time, like with sex, only completely the opposite. Which is to say, none of the sequels so far have been as good as this one. It is quite easily the biggest of the lot, it has the best soundtrack, and it also has the most appalingly atrocious Theme Song in the history of Video Games EVER.
And that includes the little known Theme Song: My Penis is Large by Elton John for Final Fistfuck VI. Great game though!
The great thing is that, even though the game might only appear moderately sized from the start, there is a HUGE twist for those skilled enough to find it, which makes the game easily twice as long. Other Castlevania's have tried variations on this theme, but none of them are as interesting or well done as this one, so basically: you don't really need to play any of the other Castlevania's after this one, cos they're not nearly as good anyway.
Graphically the game is kinda lacklustre, simple 2D graphics, with some moderate 3D backgrounds here and there, and a couple of polygonal enemies, nothing special. It could probably have run off a SuperNES, sans the 3D bits. What the SNES could not have handled though, is the MARVELLOUS soundtrack. WOW!
This is widely acknowledged as one of the best PSX soundtracks around, and rightly so. There's a great variation of music, and all of it fits the many environments of this game, be it gothic rock, romantic waltzes or complete silence, it ALL rules.
Voice acting is kinda crappy though, as are the dialogues in the first place, also, naming your character, who is the son of Dracula, Alucard? GREAT IDEA, Bitches! (Note: it took me five years to figure out what this meant, and I was not happy in the end). I mean, geez, the geezer is
thousands of years old, you'd think he could come up with a more original name than that, right? Stupid Undead Git.
So, uh, SotN, it's basically a platform game/RPG with lots of platform hopping and RPGing elements, with the experience and the equipment and the double jumps and the what-have-you-not. Oh, speaking of which, the item management in this game royally SUCKS. Shit, you find DOZENS and DOZENS of items throughout the whole game, and your weapons and items are all thrown together on one big pile, with NO possibility of ordering or arrangeing them, which sucks. Sometimes you have to plow through your equipment very carefully to see where that newly picked up sword went, and you'll also be stuck with it for the rest of the game.
There is a shop, where you can buy cool stuff and sell valuable gems, but you canNOT sell your equipment, which really makes your item windows a great mess.
Also, like ALL Castlevania games, Symphony of the Night, or Nocturne in the Moonlight as it is also called in Japan (Those crazy little bastards!), can get EXTREMELY frustrating at times, with some very cheap bosses, and most annoyingly (and this is a typical Castlevania trait) being nocked back when you're hurt, causing you to fall of platforms and the like. Oh, how I like that.
And another thing, although I already mentioned this for one of the other games, the nature of this Metroidvania, and getting the Castle to form a nice, fitting whole, means you sometimes get really really LONG hallways, with NOTHING to do, but defeating the same kind of enemies over and over again. This is especially fun when you have to backtrack to get other goodies. There are warppoints, fortunately, but never enough, and there's just a couple of key hallways that you'll get to see a LOT, more than is comfortable anyway. That's the Konami Motto: Repetition is Good!
And no, I'm not going to repeat that.
SO, the final verdict then. GREAT game, absolute classic, but just too many tiny things that detract from the experience. A nice round 9.0 seems in place, with a "Must Play" seal attached anyway, but I can't promise you'll like it all the way through.
Megaman X4
Quadruple Yay!
Is anyone getting tired of these yet? Well, rest assured, this is the last real Megaman X game for awhile, until we get to Rockman, that is. Only Megaman X Command Mission to go, and you'll be free of Megaman for just a bit.
SO, this was the first 'next gen' (at the time) Megaman X game, and BOY can you tell by looking at the graphics. Well, actually, not really, but I'm gonna say so anyway.
The biggest change this time round is that Zero is now fully available as a playable character, no holds barred, ready to rip some Mavericks to pieces with his trusty Beam Sabre, which is infinitely cooler than anything George Lucas ever made, just because I say so. FZOOM!
With this new fangled "playstation" thingy noone had ever heard about, Capcom decided that the LOADS of extra storage space meant that not only could they create more colorful and detailed graphics, and better sounding music (one of the best soundtracks in the series this one, which IS saying something), they could also throw in some lengthy anime cutscenes to tell the story.
Contrary to the PSX rerelease of MMX3, the cutscenes actually have a point, and are really used for the story, not to introduce bosses anymore, and they're all great!
I'm not much of an Anime buff, but this is great stuff. Bear in mind that this was only 1995 or something, so it's nothing technically astounding, but they look good, and the direction is pretty good too.
I own the European version, but I've played the Japanese version, and it's better unsurprisingly. The English dub is pretty good though, although it has that typical anime-esque cast of voice-actors who think that adding a British or Australian accent makes it somehow sound
cooler. Come ON! When have Brits ever sounded cool!?
I can only assume that this happens so much to compensate for the Japanese language's MASSIVE variety of speech styles, and that is EXCLUDING real accents and dialects. There are so many ways of indicating, through speech alone, the age, gender, social position and self-image of a character without resorting to dialect, that probably the only way some translators see out of this problem is to make people sound Australian.
Now don't worry, there aren't actually any Australian accents in here, but there's some fake British and some stupid Southern Accent for Iris for some insane reason, but generally speaking the timbre of the voices is pretty good, and most characters seem to have been dealt with pretty close to their Japanese counterparts.
Which brings me to the next major surprise, the story actually KICKS ASS. I mean, geez, Megaman games have never been known for intelligent or clever story-writing, most of the games are of the same depth of the average Mario game, but this one puts its cutscenes to good use and actually offers some very good insights into the Megaman X Universe, as well as creating a major plot-twist in the series.
You have to be familiar with the previous games to fully enjoy the impact of it, but I can tell you I was quite shocked to find out the truth behind some of these characters.
Fortunately though, for Sequel's sake, the entire story has been fucked up now, in true Capcom fashion, so this is about the last game in the series that has an enjoyable story. Bastards.
In terms of gameplay there's really not much news. Playing as Zero does introduce an entirely different fighting style, and there are some minor differences between X and Zero's scenario's, but there's not as much variety as was offered in X3. Still, the action is a lot better, and there's definite value in playing through both scenario's just to see the great cutscenes.
So, in all, this is still a great action game, with a great story, although it sadly lacks those little details and alternative stages that made the prequels so nice. Also, there's no really cool secret this time. There's an extra powerful armor for X and Zero, but you have to unlock it using a CODE instead of actually showing skill, which is also disappointing. Still it gets a 9.2 for being kick-ass. But this is the last one, honest!
Megaman X3
Triple Yay!
Sniff....Sniff.....what's that? Do I smell another 9.5? MAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Well, no, actually, but I'll get to that in a moment.
First let me entertain you with the shocking piece of information that this is BOTH the sequel to Megaman X2 AS WELL AS the prequel to Megaman X4. Brilliant! Only Capcom could make stories this deep!
This game was released on Super Nintendo first, but it kinda hit the good old machine in its dying age (if indeed it ever did die. I say it still lives on and controls the new generation consoles from behind the screens. It staged its own death, that's how fucking cool it was), so Megaman X3 was also shortly after released on PSX, with the inclusion of some Anime cutscenes to introduce the bosses, and some minor plot points.
Also, the music was entirely redone, which I always applaud, but unfortunately, it's not very good. Where the SNES version still sported a kick-ass Rocking soundtrack (as far as Capcom was able to squeeze rock out of the SNES sound chip, which really isn't very far at all. Konami did a better job at that), but the PSX replaced it with a generic pop sound. The synth may be better, but if you're going to arrange it into crappy pop melodies than I prefer the lesser SNES Midi, thank you very much.
Besides which, the Anime cutscenes aren't that good either, very short and simple, without any real content, they probably only did it because they could.
Only the opening movie is pretty cool, with some key moments of previous games rendered in full cartoony glory, supported by, again, generic synthy music. Blech.
I did not enjoy this particular X game quite as much as the first two, because the levels and bosses just seem less interesting for some reason. Also, most bosses now have an attack during which they are completely invulnerable, which they'll start using once they're low on health, which kinda takes the speed out of the battles.
Also, this is probably the hardest one in the series, especially the last couple of battles, which might not please everyone, but then, Megaman games are usually only hard in a fair way. If you can't advance somewhere, it's because YOU SUCK.
But what I like again is the attention they spent on creating secrets and alternative pathways. There are again a couple of additional battles in here, and depending on how you become victorious, the course of the latter half of the game is altered, and changed levels with different bosses await you.
Also, this time you finally get to play as Zero, X's Ass-kicking Senpai. The only problem is that it's very restricted. You can't fight any bosses, not even mini-bosses as Zero, so that means that you'll be forced to change back to X whenever you get to a Boss Room, which should not have been necessary.
Play the game right though, and you might learn a very powerful skill of his, as well as earn a Shiny Gold Armor, as long as you don't completely suck, which you probably do. Not me though. I rule. Did I mention I have a huge penis as well?
Well, don't get me started on that.
So that's the secret they put in for this X game, I gladly spoiled it for you, but it's not as cool as the secrets in the previous two games. People were kinda expecting a tatsumaki senpuukyaku (look it up!) this time round, but that would've been
silly.
So in all, this game still rules, because it's Megaman X, it's still examplary of how side scrolling shooters SHOULD be, because it has a heart, and it was made with dedication. Just make sure you get the SNES version (which is kinda rare I think) and leave the generic PSX version (loading times!) be, unless you're a fan like me, and you have them both. Because I rule, and the whole penis thing.
A 9.0!
Megaman X2
Double Yay!
The good thing with Megaman games is that they are rather short, so I can easily finish several of them in one day, and keep updating this site like crazy. Lucky you, eh?
Still I'm not going to waste a lot of words on this incredibly biased review. You can expect my sanity and objectivity to return after Megaman X4, for now, I'm just going to say GET THIS ONE TOO. You liked the first one? GREAT!
Cos this one's really practically the same, only with different stages, cool new weapons, new great music, some additional battles that VERY SLIGHTLY influence one small sequence toward the end, and again, one of the coolest secrets in Video Game History, which is a lot easier to find this time.
No seriously, there's not much to say here. If you liked MMX1, you'll like this too, cos very little has changed. Still great action, still great exploration, still great game. GET IT NOW!
Haha, I'm giving this another 9.5, just because I can.
Neenerneenerneener!
Now clear off!
Megaman X
Yay! The first SNES Megaman game!
I remember that, years after I played any Megaman on the NES, I was bursting with anticipation to play a new game on that lovely new spiffy Super Nintendo Entertainment Thingy, and much to my surprise, Capcom did not just give us Megaman 7, oh no, that one had to wait, they gave us an entirely New Game, in a new (and yet not unrelated) Megaman Universe, called Megaman X. The X referring to, well, the name of this new Megaman Robot (or reploid, as they're called), and has in fact nothing to do with the adult rating of this game.
And boy, what a new game it was! I don't think there's a single voice of disagreement, even amongst die-hard Megaman fans, that the X-series completely overshadows the original series, in terms of graphics, action, depth, and, well, everything basically.
Moreover, I am a HUGELY biased Megaman fan, so expect no objectivity or moderate grade, this game rocks, and so do all of its sequels. Well, that last bit is not actually true at all, but we'll see that once we get to the "R".
The great thing about the Megaman X series, is not just that it offers great action-packed gameplay, but that it also succesfully combines this with exploration and strategy.
I can't really think of a lot of competition in the video game world for 2D platform shooters, simply because there's not a whole lot of that kind of game that actually became popular. I wouldn't put Gradius and R-Type etc. in the same category, and there just haven't been a lot of good games like this, probably because noone wants to compete with Megaman.
The only ones I can think of off the top of my head are the Probotector/Contra games. Fun, but only about shooting, and mostly about trial and error and memorizing patterns.
Secondly there's the Metal Slug series, which are pretty much the same as Contra, only less frustrating and more user-friendly. That doesn't mean EASY, that just means that you can actually see things coming before they hit you.
And thirydly would be Metroid, which is probably the closest thing to Megaman, only still completely different. Metroid sacrifices a lot of action to put a bigger emphasis on exploration, open-endedness and puzzles, which is also great.
None of them however, manage to find the perfect blend of all these elements, quite as much as Megaman X. In truth, X stays in the middle. It's not as action packed as Metal Slug, and it's not as clever as Metroid, but it offers more depth than the former and more action than the latter, offering a brilliant combination with the best of both worlds.
Hidden throughout all the levels are 8 Heart Containers to increase your Energy Bar, 4 Energy Tanks, to recover Health in tight spots, and 4 Power-up Capsules that increase X's capabilities, as well as making him look even cooler. Actually, there's a secretly hidden 5th capsule, containing a very special power-up, which also constitutes one of THE coolest secrets in Video Game History! God bless Capcom and their cross-over horniness.
So, basically, any fans of action games should get this now, only you should know that it requires more strategic thinking and nimbleness than Contra or any other "keep fire button down" brainless muck. Fans of the Metroid series might possibly not like this, since it's not quite as deep as that particular series, but fans of Metroid should just shut up and go into a corner and jerk off to their precious little Samus.
Oh, and she's not really a woman! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
*waves at fans*
So what are you still waiting for? Get your ass onto Ebay and find this game somewhere! Have to pay 100 bucks? DO IT YOU FOOL!
No wait, let's be sensible here.
YOU NEED EXTRA COPIES IN CASE THE FIRST ONE BREAKS!
No wait, the
other kind of sensible, wait until the upcoming Megaman X Collection is released. It'll contain all Megaman X games up to X6, and it'll be more worth your money than paying to see monkeys have sex.
Uh. I don't know where that came from.
But don't worry, it's being developed by Capcom themselves this time, and not by Atomic "Bumfluff" Planet. Have you ever noticed how anything that starts with "Atomic" really kind of sucks. A LOT!?
First there was the wonderful movie, known as Atomic Train, which bombed as much as the title implies.
Then there was the horrific britpop "band" Atomic Kitten who suck in more ways than one. Fortunately, I think they all exploded too, so you don't hear a lot from them nowadays.
And THEN there was Atomic "Arsemonkey" Planet who royally fucked up what should have been an Orgasmic Megaman Anniversary Collection. Damn their hides!
Who, by the way, I just found out, are ALSO responsible for
Miami Vice, as well as publishing
The Guy Game which was a "video game" revolving entirely around the concept of Hot Women showing their Tits. And NO,
I'm NOT making this stuff up.
So I gues they're not ALL bad. Oh, and does IGN rate EVERYTHING high these days?
So it's a good thing the next Megaman Collection is going to be handled by people who are not incompetent, but Japanese.
Oh dear.
So, uh, I've lost my train of thought here. Two nice round, I mean, A Nice Round 9.5 for...uh...what was it again? Oh yes, Megaman X! Superb Game!
No breasts though.
Samples! (no not THAT kind!)
Octopald!Storm EagleSigma Stage 1
Megaman 4
But there's a catch! It's on Gameboy! Wow! Look at the colors!
The Gameboy Megaman games are a bit different from the regular NES versions, in that they're almost exactly the same, only not quite. The thing is, they use bosses from the original NES games, but they throw bosses from different games together.
This here Megaman 4 for instance, has 4 bosses from the real Megaman 4, but also 4 from Megaman 5. Makes sense? No of course not, this is Capcom we're talking about.
As such, you get the kind of stages already seen in the NES games, although the layout is completely different. So basically, if you've played the NES games, and you're likely to have if you're even playing this, you'll be familiar with most of it, since even the music is the same, only some small new things and enemies have been added, as well as a couple of new stages.
The only real enjoyment here is for Megaman fans I think, and perhaps for people who have no access to an NES, and who wonder what all this Mega-fuss is about. For the latter, this game isn't really the most representative of the quality of the series, and for the first, it's not that interesting anyway.
The only really new addition, and I think this was a first in the series, is that Chips can be collected to buy items in Dr. Light's Lab. This is a nice addition, even though the item selection isn't that great.
The most disturbing feature about this game is the level design though. Levels are pretty big, which is good, but it is painfully obvious that they just loop certain structures 2 or 3 times within one stage, with different enemy placement. Really cheap.
The game is not so hard in any case, but towards the end it gets kinda annoying and cheap, so I guess this really is one for the fans only. If you've never played any Megaman game, and only own a Gameboy (what kinda gamer are you anyway?) pass this one up anyway.
The only thing I can say is that it's really not bad graphically, lots of detail and even some moving segments in the backgrounds, which unfortunately also mean that the game is prone to SLOWDOWN.
That, and the music is pretty good. This IS Megaman after all, and it's one of the few Gameboy games that actually makes use of Stereo. I mean, the GB may only have one speaker, but put on a headphone and it should be capable of Stereo right? Right, but far too few companies have realized this.
In all, it's still a decent action game, be it rather cheap, and still fun if you're into the genre or the series. A 7.7 seems nice.
Megaman 2
Yay! I'm really glad I managed to get a hold of this game for my NES a while back, for only a couple of Euro's. I have almost every regular Megaman game now, in some form or other. I'm still missing the original Megaman on NES, but that one sucks anyway.
For this sequel however, they managed to get things right and it instantly became one of the great classics on NES. I think you'll find most people who played NES games will have come into contact with this game at some point or other and most people like it. The smart ones do at least.
And it has a classic soundtrack! Everyone likes Megaman 2 music, I'm sure even the Queen of the Netherlands can hum Airman's theme, I'm sure she could kick my ass at Street Fighter as well.
It's a great fun action platformer, with some cool stages and bosses, but there are some minor flaws.
Difficulty can be VERY unforgiving. The Megaman series have become known for being extremely hard, and this is actually still one of the easier ones. It's also the only one in the regular series to actually offer two modes of difficulty, Normal and Hard. Normal is realy easy, where you do a lot of damage, and Hard is more what the series became later, where you actually have to fight for your life.
The problem here though, as with Megaman 1, is that there are too many sequences you can only get past through trial and error. Some things you simply canNOT see coming, and you have to keep trying again and again until you get it right. Now I've played this game to destruction, so I can do it with my eyes closed, but some sequences I'm sure can be really frustrating for the newcomers.
Quickman's stage immediately comes to mind as being insanely hard, in a way you can't really do anything about, unless you have superhuman reflexes.
And that kinda breaks up the game here and there. In later Megamans, skill is what gets you through the enemy barriers, like it should be, but this game still contains a lot of guesswork and memorizing running patterns.
That said, this IS a real classic, with some great Boss sequences, and anyone with a NES should own this game. The difficulty might not appeal to everyone though, which costs it some points. A nice round 9.0 for this one.
Of course I would not deprive you of some Mp3's, Megaman being my favoritest game music series on earth, so here's a couple of nice ones. Mind you, this is all 8-bit NES synth, so know what you're up against. Also, I'm linking directly to
Protoman's Homepage, and they seem to rotate in hosting their soundtracks, so it might not be available on some days....
Airman StageDr. Wily Stage 1, critically acclaimed as one of the best Video Game themes EVER, as well as probably being the number one favorite amongst fans. I'm serious.Staff Roll, starting with the popular Megaman Main Theme
Megaman Anniversary
That's Right!
Last year was the little bastard's 15th birthday, in the USA at least, so Capcom of America decided to release an Anniversary Collection on PS2 and Gamecube, containing a whopping 10 megaman games!
Being: Megaman 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 and the never before released Power Battles and Power Fighters.
Now this
would indeed be a good thing if Capcom hadn't made one capital mistake: they let someone else do it! So, in comes Atomic Planet, a never before heard of stupid company who were probably happy they could get their hands on a hot license (or 10) to finally make that big break.
They failed to notice that they SUCK at everything they do (I've never actually played any games from this company, if indeed they've made any. I'm not about to go and buy one either) so they royally fucked up something that could've been masterful.
I only own the GC version, but I'm not too happy with it at all. I've been told the PS2 version is much much better, and it should be, cos goddammit we're talking about NES games here. Well, 6 of them anyway.
The 6 NES games had previously been released on PSX, on SEPARATE CD-ROMs, as a nice "fuck you and give us all your money" from Capcom to its devoted Megaman fans.
What Atomic Planet did was to take these Japan-only rereleases, have them translated by a team of blind monkeys, and implement on a GC disc. The PSX games had some extra stuff, like hints and reworked menu screens and such, and as such the games required more storage space than the 1 megabyte originals. Please note that a GC disc holds about 1500 Megabytes I think.
However, the last 3 of the PSX rereleases featured fully arranged soundtracks, which help explain why I still accept Capcom as my daddy, and therefore cost even MORE storage space, and all of this simply could not fit on a GC disc.
Megaman 7 is a Super Nintendo game of maybe 4 megabyte, which was completely raped for this version. I think they ripped a very cheap SNES emulator off the Internet and then used it to run MM7 off and the emulation is really rather crappy.
Megaman 8 was a PSX game, and as such pretty large, and the last two fighting games are arcade games, and are probably run on MAME or something.
To make a long story short, they had to considerably compress the entire collection to make it all fit on a GC disc, throw away all the arranged music, and what's left is all MONORAUL. THERE IS NO STEREO IN THIS ENTIRE COLLECTION, but they did add some really crappy own arrangements outside of the games, and they have an interview with the Megaman Staff which is not bad.
Basically though, Gamecube owners are raped in the ass and they get a very shabby game, where PS2 owners supposedly get the works.
I can't help but think that an entire asylum of blind, dumb, deaf and drunk retards would have done a better job at this than Atomic Fucking Planet, but as it is, it is a complete disgrace to the Megaman Legacy and it pains me to see my Blue Hero raped in such an abominable way.
A crying shame, for in essence this collection is what I have always prayed for, I mean, geez, you get 8 great games, plus two really good ones that have never been released outside of Arcades before! And for only 30 bucks! I can't think of a single game that gives you so much your money's worth as this one, and I would recommend it to anyone who's every remotely enjoyed games EVER.
Make no mistake, assuming the PS2 version is what it should be, it would get a 10, but I can't affirm that, since I don't have it. As it is, I'm stuck with the subpar GC version, which is an insult. Try to get all the separate games. It'll cost you more, but at least you'll be able to enjoy them the way they're supposed to be.
That said, you STILL get 10 wonderful games on one disc, and if you don't care about the music anyway (don't care about Megaman music? Then you can seriously kiss my furry behind) you probably won't be bothered by it as much as I was, but I say, get the PS2 version instead.
Also, this version offers NO control customization, and there have been numerous complaints by fans about the fact that B is Jump and A is fire. Look at the GC controller, and you might understand why people complain. I honestly think this was one of the least problems, it took me about 5 seconds to get used to, but it's kinda stupid that you don't get to change it, I'll admit that.
So, I'm going to say: GC version: Avoid like the plague (6)
PS2 Version: Get it or DIE. (10)
Which is kinda weird, since they're both the same games. Seriously, if you're not that bothered by the GC's unfaithful treatment than consider it a 10 as well, cos the fact remains that there are 10 fantastic games (well, some better than others) on this disc, which are totally worth the insanely low price. If you won't find anything to like in here, there is something seriously wrong with your head, and it needs to be taken off.
By the way, I'm not going to review every separate game. I have most of these games on separate Discs/Cartridges and I'll review them when I get to them (mostly in the R for Rockman section), but I did play all the games I don't own separately, like the rules state.
