The Biggest Game Project on this Planet

Game Reviewing

First of all: Sorry for the lack of updates recently, but it has entirely to do with my not caring. Haha. Seriously though, now that I know the Project cannot be finished I'm a bit less inclined to keep posting new reviews every other day, since the idea is kind of ruined now. Furthermore, it takes up a lot of time writing these posts, which is time that can also be spent on ACTUALLY playing games, so I'm getting kinda lazy here.
Of course, the Project is still on, for as long as I'm here, but I think the amount of posts may decline a little bit. Besides, seeing as how I'll be leaving in 2 months and I'm NOT going to take everything with me, I'm considering skipping the games I don't feel like playing again, to get to those I haven't even played at all. Also, I'm considering not reviewing every single game, but just doing the ones that stand out, in a good way or a bad way. In short, the integrity of the Project has been slightly tainted.
I will strive to keep this as game-related as possible, but I will probably occasionally use this as a diary of sorts, only less wussy. Cuz I iz a MAN!

Anyway, on the topic of Game Reviewing, today I would like to bother you with a slight rant about the state of Video Game Journalism, and more specifically DUTCH Video Game Journalism.

It sucks.

Thank you for reading.
Goodbye!

NO! I'm not letting them get away THAT easily.
You see, yesterday I recieved, as per usual, our trusty Veronica Magazine, not just a TV Guide, but an Entertainment Magazine with an opinion. Too bad their opinion tends to SUCK though. Yes. THEIR OPINION SUCKS. There, I've said it.
With all due respect though, because this Magazine IS one of the best TV Guides our country has to offer, it just needs to make sure it doesn't meddle in affairs it has no knowledge of.
I understand that it's hip and popular to jump on the Video Game Bandwagon nowadays, and that they've decided to incorporate a small 2 page Video Game Corner in their magazine, which in itself is a good thing.

The problem is though, that these people are complete amateures and they have no idea what they are talking about. These are people who apparently, judging by their reviews, got into gaming BECAUSE it was hip and popular, and not because they actually know how to enjoy a good game. They are Mainstream Gamers. *shudder*
It's a real shame, since their Video Game Corner was written in cooperation with Gammo, one of Holland's only Video Game TV programmes, and in all honesty, also one of the best (not because there's so few of them, but because it's actually pretty good).
Gammo actually, according to their own website, make a point of not judging the Games they play. They show the video's, they show the gameplay, they talk about what's what, and that's it. They don't say "YOU NEED TO GET THIS", which is a breath of fresh air, but they don't say "THIS GAME IS THE SUXXORZ!" either. Which is good.
They do offer some slight criticism sometimes, where necessary, but they don't tell you whether to get something or not.

But I still haven't spoken about the problem.
Well it is thus: This month is going to see the release of Shadow of the Colossus in our wonderful country, and already it seems the scale of the game is too big for Dutchmen to handle.
Veronica Magazine, in their internal wisdom, called this game "okay". They have several categories (they don't give grades), ranging from "sucks" to "okay" to "must-have" and finally "classic". I'm not really sure what the quality difference is between the last two categories, but there you go.
So let me stress once again that THE Best and most original PS2 game of 2005 (Hell, even if you think God of War was the best game last year, this is still stupid), a wonderful piece of art, a truely unique experience unlike anything you've ever played before, indescribably HUGE, beautiful and epic, showered with officious awards by many Gamesites, was called "okay" by these people.

Why?
Because there's not enough explosions.

I fuck you not

Okay, that's not what they said in words, but that's definitely what it boils down to. They acknowledged how extremely cool it was to climb and fell a Colossus, and yet they thought it was not good enough to reap a good score, simply because there are NO FRIGGING EXPLOSIONS.
See, thing is, they main problem for them was that:
A) After every Colossus you are sent back to the same shrine.

That's true, but it is in no possible way a bad feature of the game. It makes sense storywise, since the Shrine is the pivotal location in the game, and also, it is SLAM in the middle of the world map, meaning that every possible spot is easy to reach without spending too much time.

B) The world is too empty.

Granted, the world IS empty, apart from those 16 MOTHERF*CKING ENORMOUS creatures walking around (did I mention there are no loading times in this game? Not even FADE-OUTS!?), but so what? It's astoundingly gorgeous, and a pure pleasure to navigate, and you NEVER have to look very long for a Colossus.

But that's not what pissed me off, oh NO.
It's that little caption they put at the end. You see, only the week before, they gave a preview of Black, some First Person Shooter by EA (for CHRIST'S sake, EA!) which apparently had lots of pretty explosions and brute action.
So they put a caption at the end, saying something like "if you like Black, then this game is not for you". I mean, WHAT THE FUCK, YO!?

"hey you there!"
"Hunh?"
"What's that you're playing?"
"Uh. Shadow of the Colossus, sir. It's pretty good"
"Yeah, sure, but what if I told you that instead of playing that magnificently original game, with its beautifully aesthetic design, presentation and storyline you can also take this thirteen in a dozen FPS, and Blow Shit Up, WITH.....pretty explosions"
"Hot Dang, where do I sign up!?"

Right.

And to add insult to injury, they said "the older you are, the more likely you are to enjoy this game", and added a small age symbol saying '30'.
The sad thing is that this is probably even true, but you should read this as "The higher your IQ is/The more open-minded a gamer you are/The more sensitive you are to pure quality and originality, the more likely you are to enjoy this game."

I mean, everyone's entitled to their opinion of course, and there's no reason whatsoever to get so upset about a review in a small-time Magazine that has nothing to say in the VG Scene, but it just irked me because it was so examplary of the current attitude towards games in this country, or indeed, the West.
Even though most professional sites have recognized SotC as the magnificent piece of work that it is, it just seems to be wasted on all those Pig-headed Mainstream Gamers out there who won't buy a game that doesn't have A) A licensed soundtrack, B) Some American Sports Celebrity (FUCK YOU, EA), C) Some American Rapper D) Explosions or E) All of the Above.
They are the disgusting grease-stain on the clean tablesheet of gaming, they are what give all good gamers a bad name (thank you, Rockstar!) and worse, they are what's keeping the XBox alive [/low blow]

Damn man, go and play 50 Cent: Bulletproof, and leave REAL gaming to professionals.

And let's face it, American games generally SUCK. There are exceptions, but extremely few, and they're never THAT good. I'm not saying that Japan is the be-all end-all of Video Gaming, although it is, God knows I've played some fantastic games from European (Rare) and even Canadian companies (Ubisoft never ceases to amaze me, nowadays), but American games just SUCK.
I'm looking at my Gamelist right now, and there are hardly any American companies in there, and those that ARE, are CRAP. The only exception to the rule seems to be Core, who made some very good Tomb Raider games (2), probably by accident.
I rest my case.

posted by Ingen! @ 11:07 AM