Origins
Somewhere in the not too distant past, there must have been a conversation going a little bit like this:"Excuse me sir, could I have a word with you?"
"What?"
"You see, sir, the fans are getting restless. They haven't had a Final Fantasy game for....oh.....more than a year now, and they're starting to show nasty signs of deprivation. It's been almost 2 years since Final Fantasy X, and Final Fantasy XI didn't do too well last year...."
"We did a Final Fantasy XI?"
"Quite, sir. but that was over a year ago and we need something new now, lest the fans start losing faith in us. We've already fed them some wild stories about Final Fantasy XII but they're getting anxious."
"HAH! They still believe they're getting a Final Fantasy XII!? Sheep! Little do they suspect that Final Fantasy XII will be my next fully rendered CG movie, starring Justin Timberlake as the young and strappy Vahn, who rebels against the Empire alongside the Emperor's Daughter in a classic Romeo and Juliet story! Did we get Britney Spears to sign yet?"
"She's on maternity leave sir, but we're getting one of the Chipmunks to fill in for her"
"ALVIIIIIIIN!"
"Exactly."
"Man, this thing is gonna be better than....Spirits Within even! I'm brilliant! Are they still not on to the fact that we haven't actually shown them any 'in-game footage' after 5 years?"
"Seems not sir."
"Weak genes, that's what I say. So can't we give them a new expansion pack or something?"
"I'm afraid they won't buy that sir"
"Nice choice of words there. Um. Can't we rerelease Final Fantasy I and II again for some as yet unexplored console? Neo Geo? 3DO? Jaguar?"
"I've taken the liberty of contacting Mr. Kutaragi of Sony to ask him about the PSP, but he said the machine was perfectly alright as it was, and any inefficiencies were completely deliberate and the customer will just have to accept their perfect little piece of genious as it is"
"Crazy little man. Uhhh......Crystal Chronicles 2?"
"Please don't swear in my presence, sir"
"Sorry. NO WAIT! I'VE GOT IT! YOU CAN TELL IT'S A GREAT IDEA CAUSE I'VE PRESSED THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON! Why don't we........MAKE A SEQUEL TO FINAL FANTASY X?"
"What!? But sir, as a rule, we never make any straight sequels in the Final Fantasy series. The punters won't stand for it!"
"Screw them! If they'll swallow Driving Emotion Type S, they'll accept this too!"
"Well, actually, sir....."
"It's obvious in any case that Final Fantasy X was so insanely good that we'll never be able to live up to its expectations anymore, quite like Final Fantasy VII, and we're going to fuck that up with a gazillion sequels too! And we can just use ALL the same backgrounds and monsters!"
"Sir, you are insulting the intelligence of the average gamer"
"Hahah, they'll be too busy playing Tony Hawk to notice! But I know how we can cover this up nicely. In Final Fantasy X, we established a great story with believable characters and a cool bitter-sweet ending with the tears and the parting and the blahblah, LET'S FUCK IT UP! First, the point of the game will be to find back that dude from FFX, who disappears at the end, even though it was clear at that time that that was NOT going to happen. Secondly, we'll turn young Yuna, the brave but shy daughter of Braska, becoming a Grand Summoner in her father's footsteps, to provide a short-lasting but significant relief for the sin-ridden planet, INTO A SPICE-GIRL, no wait, A CHARLIE'S ANGEL, yes that's better, in a skimpy outfit, and we'll make her a dancer/singer! AND WE NEED GUNS! LOTS OF GUNS! I want Eidos to be on the phone with a lawsuit within one week!"
"You.....can't be serious?"
"Sure I am! I want it done RIGHT NOW. And be sure to add The Bubblegum Factor. And charge them full-price!"
And that is how Final Fantasy X-2 was born. Or perhaps more accurately, excreted.
I'm getting a little bit ahead of things, cos I'm not finished yet, about half way there, but I just had to share this little bit of historical insight with you.
Man, what a total cop-out this game is. It's Japanese commercialism made flesh. Or made aluminum or whatever it is. In fact, it offered me a nice refreshing Coca Cola (tm) just now. Tasty!
Almost there my friends!
posted by Ingen! @ 11:18 AM
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